


On Sunny Days

by Akilles



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: High School AU, M/M, child abuse tw, it's not graphic but just in case, not a lot happens except howon has long monologues about how much he loves woohyun, yes i took beast's on rainy days and changed the rainy to sunny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2018-12-26 05:16:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 44,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12052089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akilles/pseuds/Akilles
Summary: Howon just wanted to go to college with Woohyun and live a quiet and happy life, but even the simplest of dreams make you cry buckets of tears.Alternative summary: hoy suffers.





	1. As Good As It Gets

Howon didn’t know what happened to the weather for it to be actually warm despite it only being the end of February, but he surely wasn’t complaining. Especially not when that meant he could lay in the huge garden of Woohyun’s house, soaking up some sun. He’d come over in the morning, like he did every Sunday, to hang out and study. So when after 2 hours of reading up on the rise and fall of Wiman Joseon for their essays Woohyun started whining about wanting to take advantage of the nice weather while it lasted, he couldn’t really say ‘no’.  He knew he’d regret it tonight, trying to catch up on the time he’d lost, but right now? 

Right now he was looking at the sunlight bathing his humming boyfriend’s face in a golden glow and he could not care less about essays or tests or grades.  
Maybe “care” wasn’t the right word. Being with Woohyun like this, just the two of them, simply let him forget all about those things. Not even in an ‘I-am-using-distractions-so-I-won’t-have-to-deal-with-my-problems’-way, but an ‘As-long-as-there’s-Woohyun-we’re-gonna-be-fine-‘-way.  He was aware of how cheesy or delusional this sounded, would probably never actually say this out loud. But Woohyun just installed this confidence and calm in him. Howon wasn’t necessarily shy or insecure, but as a teenage boy, he of course had his moments of doubts, of what ifs. However as soon as he got a whiff of his clean smell, caught a glimpse of his bright smile, heard his deep voice, he instantly felt more grounded. Like the earth he was standing on wasn’t moving quite so fast that he had to fear being left behind in its race.  
Sometimes… sometimes it even felt like the world was standing still in order for him to be able to catch a breath and just appreciate what he had.

And what he had right this moment was a beautiful boyfriend, lounging on a chair. The golden sunlight seemed to only enhance the warm tones of his brown hair. It was almost sad that his chocolate coloured eyes were hidden with the way he was humming a little tune with them closed. If it wasn’t for the little mole on his eyelid that Howon loved so much. He didn’t know why, it was a stupid thing to be attached to. Who in their right mind would say one of their favourite features on a person was their eyelid mole?! However to him it was this tiny imperfection that was usually hidden, that you only really noticed when you watched Woohyun be at peace, when he let all pretenses fall away. He was pretty sure he could easily count the amount of people who got to see him like this on one hand.

Like this, that was the Woohyun he loved more than he had ever loved anyone before. Sure, he loved bubbly, sometimes over the top, always going out of his way to make you feel welcome Woohyun, but not like this.

Silently, he reached over and kissed his eyelid, right on the tiny mole. _I love you._ He barely ever said it, knew he deserved to hear it more often from him, but Howon had never been good at expressing himself with words. He felt him scrunch up his nose at the sudden contact so Howon retreated with a shy smile. Woohyun slowly opened his eyes, as if waiting whether this was all or if there were more kisses to come. With a blinding smile, he looked up at him. “I love you, too.”  
Luckily, Woohyun seemed to be fluent in Howon.

“Did you eat before you came over? And don’t say yes when all you had was an apple, that’s not eating.” Woohyun jokingly glared at him.

Howon grinned at him sheepishly. “I forgot to go grocery shopping yesterday so…”, he mumbled.  
 It hadn’t really been his turn to go, in his defense. He should have known that his mum wouldn’t go though, he had smelled her boozy breath from a few feet away. It was just… he’d wanted to not be the adult in his family for once. Well, look what it got him: no fucking food and the prospect of coming home to angry parents tonight Maybe if he stayed here long enough, they’d already be sleeping and then he could slip out really early tomorrow and do the shopping right after school. They probably wouldn’t be as mad if he came home with food.

He looked up when he heard a little sigh. Woohyun was looking at him with a bitter smile as he stood up, holding out his hand. “Come on, we gotta get some food into you.”

Howon took the outstretched hand and linked their fingers. Not wasting a second, Woohyun started swinging their joined hands back and forth.  
“It’s fine, really. We should go back to studying anyway.”, he tried to fight back. He had eaten at Woohyun’s place far too often anyway. However his stomach chose that exact moment to rumble loudly.

Woohyun laughed as he leaned in to drop a peck on his lips. “Sometimes”, he grinned at Howon’s opposing grumbles, “I really think your stomach has more brain than your actual brain. I should write it a thank you note for keeping you from being too stupid.”

They started making their way back into the house when he scoffed. “Stupid? You’re one to talk Mr. No-carbs-after-four-my-abs-are-dying!”

“I don’t see you complaining about my abs when you feel me up every other night”,  Woohyun protested in mock anger right before wrapping his arms around Howon’s neck. He stumbled a bit at the sudden weight on his back. “They’re really dying though, I can barely walk anymore. You have to carry me to the kitchen, my dear. There is no other way.” He dramatically ‘swooned’ right into his arms.

Howon simply shrugged with a little smile playing on his lips. He was more than used to this, mind you. “You’ll live.” Was all he said before dropping his boyfriend and proceeding his way into the kitchen. He hadn’t even taken 2 steps when he heard the “Hey!” and thundering footsteps.

\-----------------

To say he was stressed would be an understatement. How could his day already be this bad when it had just started?! Quite simply: he and Woohyun fell asleep the previous night for some time so he had to sneak out of his boyfriends house before sneaking into his apartment. Which was all entirely too much sneaking done by someone who didn’t plan on stealing something. Working on his essay some more didn’t even work because he had left his backpack at Woohyun’s house in his haste to leave without waking him. And THEN his last bits of hope were shattered when he didn’t manage to sneak out of the apartment before his parents awoke. Let’s just say they weren’t too happy with him.  
So now he was late to school, as his parents didn’t shorten their episode of screaming at him in favour of school, with an unfinished essay.

Luckily, he dropped into his seat right as the bell rang for the last time. He was still trying to catch his breath after having run all the way from home. It normally took him about 30 minutes, he had done it in less than 15, but his lungs were making him question whether it was really worth it.

The first few periods went by uneventfully, but they dragged on and on so when the bell finally rang, he could barely hold back a relieved groan.

Howon plopped down in the cafeteria and immediately dropped his head on the table. Next period was history and he still had no idea how he was supposed to explain his failure not to finish the essay. It wasn’t like he could just come out and say ‘Sorry, forgot the 3/4th finished essay at my boyfriend’s place when I snuck out last night’. His unfinished essay would really be the least of his problems if he came out to his teacher of all people.

“You look like shit.”

That groan he had held in when the bell rang? Yeah, he let that one out when he heard the voice of Sungyeol. Remind him again why he was even friends with him?

“At least it’s not a constant thing for me, like it is for you.” He countered tiredly. Howon could dodge the slap on the back of his head just so and only because after 5 years of being friends, he knew when to expect uncalled for violence.

When he looked up at his lanky friend, he was met with the image of papers instead. “Woohyun told me to give this to you. Says you forgot your essay at his place yesterday when you two were studying.”

He straightened his posture as he took the stack of papers. If he skipped lunch, he could finish it before his history lesson. Granted, it probably wouldn’t secure him an A, but it should still be enough for a B.  
However riffling through it made him frown in confusion. This was definitely more than he’d written yesterday. A huge smile took over his face as soon as he realized that Woohyun had actually finished his essay for him. He didn’t even know when since it was already after midnight when he snuck out and his boyfriend was out like a light then. This morning?

Howon looked back up at Sungyeol who was studying him with a disgusted expression. Someone smiling like this while skimming through an essay seemed to be lost on him. “You don’t uh happen to know where Woohyun is that he couldn’t give this to me himself?”

Sungyeol didn’t even look up from his rice. “His coach wanted to talk to him. Didn’t know how long it would take and since we all know that our group’s nerd would be a nervous wreck without his dear essay…”

“I second that.” Sungjong, who honestly seemed to materialize out of thin air and dropped onto the seat across from him, piped up. “Though you do have to give it to him that he barely ever gets vocal about it. The shaking pupils and frantic shuffling of paper is pretty annoying, but it’s worse when Woohyun gets nervous. He keeps whining about it like a baby.” Thus, the Sung brothers started to get into a fierce debate on when Woohyun had annoyed them the most with his whining and who had to suffer through that the most.

This was the part where Howon should defend his boyfriend, but… as long as it was something trivial, he DID simply whine about it until it didn’t bother him anymore. So he just shrugged and propped his chin up on his hand to listen to their oh so strong arguments.

Turns out he didn’t have to though, because he saw dissed one walking towards their table with Myungsoo clinging to him. Literally clinging. Most people would probably be bothered by this or find it weird, but really, it was just very _Myungsoo_. And Woohyun thrived off positive human contact. He never really complained about Howon being kind of reserved when it came to that, but he did feel guilty about it. Whenever someone just patted Woohyun’s back or linked arms with him, he seemed to grow like a flower towards light. Only that his light was physical affection. That’s why he couldn’t help the little smile when he watched their younger friend rub his head against Woohyun’s shoulder as soon as they were seated. How could he when Woohyun softly rubbed circles on the back of his friend’s head with a fond smile on his face? The two of them seemed to be pretty lost on their world of affection, because Myungsoo pretty much crawled onto Woohyun’s lap without the other even batting an eyelid. He just sneaked his arm around their younger friend’s waist to secure him.

Howon let his gaze, that had been on Myungsoo for a few minutes, travel from the face smashed into his boyfriend’s shoulder up his neck to his actual face. That’s when he started frowning. Woohyun seemed… dazed? Just out of it. He couldn’t even determine whether it was the lack of sleep, let alone something positive or negative that set him off like that. His face was just… blank. Like he wasn’t even here with them right now, instead far far away. He’d been fine when he sat down with Soo so what was wrong?

After a quick glance at the others to check that nobody was really paying attention to him, Howon subtly pressed his thumb to Woohyun’s pulse point. This was another thing that just kinda started being a code. He had started this to check on his pulse, to try to read him when he couldn’t ask him what was happening. Now it really was just a silent ‘ _Are you okay?’_ But Woohyun didn’t appreciate showing his side that wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows to the others so he figured he should check the coast before excusing them if there was something really wrong.

His touch managed to snap Woohyun out of his daze. He shook his head and turned it towards his boyfriend. After a few seconds of some emotion Howon couldn’t quite name, the usual bright smile took its resident place on his face. He took out his phone, nudging Howon’s phone closer and not even 30 seconds later his screen lit up.

**Woohyunnie**  
did Sungyeol give you your essay?

**Hoya**  
You mean YOUR essay?

**Woohyunnie**  
but I only added a tiny bit! shouldn’t u be thanking me ;)

**Hoya**  
What for? The inevitable B?

**Woohyunnie**  
TT_TT  
ur so mean

**Hoya**  
…  
Th*nk you

**Woohyunnie**  
(ꈍᴗꈍ) was that so hard now?

**Hoya**  
What was up with your face a minute ago?

**Woohyunnie**  
nothing?  
anyways u didn’t have to sneak out last night, jerk!

**Hoya**  
Sorry, couldn’t bear your snoring

**Woohyunnie**  
hmpf (╯︵╰)  
so that’s a no on sleeping over tonight? you look like shit, seriously. u need some good sleep

**Hoya**  
Sorry, I gotta go grocery shopping and I have a test on Wednesday I have to study for

**Woohyunnie**  
i’d drive you but I have soccer practice and then I have to go to a company dinner with my parents  
you can really sleep over tho  
u don’t need stress before your test

Howon grinned a little, but before he could reply the bell rang. So much for eating during lunch… Woohyun still shot him a questioning look as they all gathered their stuff. He shook his head slightly and gave him a quick bro hug - since they were in school and everything - before walking off.  
 His parents surely wouldn’t appreciate him spending any more time than he already did with Woohyun. Not when they were indifferent to him. Never when they were angry. How bad could the evening be if he just brought some food home in time? 

\-----------------

Very bad, it turns out. As soon as he stepped foot into their apartment and the smell of booze hit him, he knew it wouldn’t be okay. Just giving them food and apologizing would not be enough when they were already drunk. His flight instinct kicked in in a matter of seconds, but he knew he’s have to come back home eventually and the later he did, the worse it would be.

Howon took a calming breath and stepped into their living room that was also the kitchen.  Silently, he took out what he brought and stocked started stocking the fridge. He was just about to put the kimchi in, when the door was pushed shut, nearly cutting off his damn fingers.

“Where the fuck were you?! Your father has been asking for food for hours already!” his mother snarled right into his face with her boozy breath.

“Maybe he should have gone to buy some food instead of getting drunk.”, he mumbled under his breath.

The slap that resonated through the room was immediate and loud. He took a trembling hand to his throbbing cheek, but refused to back down. “You think now that you have a little rich boyfriend you can talk down to me?! You think we’re scum? Guess what, SO ARE YOU!” His mother’s voice was trembling, but loud enough to attract his father’s attention who staggered into the kitchen on unsteady feet. If his mother was tipsy, his father was full out drunk.

“Whatcha yelling ‘bout?”

His mother perked up at her ally arriving. When she took a step toward her husband, Howon shuffled closer to the door. He knew situations like these. Normally it didn’t end in physical violence, it was usually just yelling and belittling until their voices were hoarse, but the fact that she’d already slapped him for one comment  made him worry for what was to come.

Sadly, his mother noticed this and immediately grabbed his arms painfully hard. Howon tried to wriggle out of her grasp, but she just wouldn’t let go. “Where do you think you’re going? Put the fucking food away and make some damn dinner!”

Howon was going to silently obey, he really was, but his father just had to scoff out a “Useless leech” as he turned around. Probably to stumble back into back until dinner was ready.

“ _I’m_ a leech?! You don’t even know how to spell that without being piss drunk!” he seethed as he charged forward. “It wasn’t even my turn to buy food, it was YOURS. “ His father cocked a brow at that and Howon knew he should have just kept his mouth shut.

\-----------------

The sudden lights blinded him, as the car pulled up to the curb in front of his apartment building, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was sleep. He was too exhausted to say hello to a Woohyun. Too exhausted to react much to his careful fingers feeling along his split lip. When he was guided to the black car, he just leaned his head against the window and watched the city rush by.

Apart from Woohyun’s occasional  “Are you okay?” and “I love you” the ride back to the house was silent. Howon knew that eventually, he’d have to talk, but he didn’t see the good it would do. He was fine physically apart from the slightly split lip and the red cheek. And what could Woohyun do? He was a teenager, just like him. It wasn’t like he could just let him move in with him.

When they arrived, he silently started his way up the stairs to his boyfriend’s room. Woohyun was right behind him, hovering like a mother scared their child was going to fall down the stairs. He’d find it endearing any other day, but that night he barely took notice.

Howon numbly let him take off his shoes, then his socks, his jeans and then the thick sweater. For a few seconds there was nothing. No noise, no gentle fingers on cold skin, nothing. Before Woohyun finally wrapped his arms around him and started a slow rhythm on his back. Tap, tap, tap. Pause. Tap, tap, tap. Pause. Tap, tap, tap. Pause. Even in his muddled mind he knew. He knew what this meant, because Woohyun made sure he knew. Reminding him every single day through texts, by saying it, or by letting him feel the soft tapping on his back. I love you. Pause. I love you. Pause. I love you… That night, it was Howon’s lullaby as he finally drifted off to sleep.

\-----------------

The next morning Lee Howon woke up to barely there kisses on his sore slightly sore cheek. He opened his eyes with a content sigh.

Woohyun immediately sat up. “Good morning, sunshine! I already called in sick for us today and got Kibum to send me what you need to know for your exam tomorrow so before you get all panicky about skipping school think of it as effective time management and improving in the fields you really need to excel in right now.”

Howon just stared at his nervously babbling boyfriend. It was really too early for this. He took a deep breath before tackling him back onto his back. His arms grabbed onto him tightly as he buried his nose in the older teen’s neck. Luckily, it shut his boyfriend up.

They stayed like that for roughly fifteen minutes, just breathing each other in and, on Howon’s part, waking up properly. Since his inhibitions weren’t as big in his sleepy state, Howon gently played with Woohyun’s fingers, who in turn rubbed circles into his hip bone. He knew this wouldn’t last though. Soon enough, Woohyun tentatively sat up, which resulted in him sliding down into his lap.

“So… I know you don’t want to talk about it, but”, he nervously looked down at their entwined fingers “can you at least tell me what happened and how okay you are right now on a scale from 1 to 10? 1 being you saw me murder a puppy in front of you and then charged at you to slaughter you as well and 10 being we are cuddling on a huge bed with a puppy between us and your stupid rap music in the background.”

Wow that was… a weirdly set scale, but Howon appreciated his effort to diffuse the tense atmosphere that suddenly engulfed them.

Truth be told, he didn’t want to talk about what happened. He was okay now. He felt oddly grounded, sitting in Woohyun’s lap and playing with his fingers. But he knew that the other deserved an explanation after seeing him yesterday. Hell, he would have probably made Woohyun tell him that night, if he had picked him up at 10pm looking like that.

So after taking one last deep breath to calm and remind himself that whatever happened yesterday was in the past and could not harm him right now, he tilted Woohyun’s chin up so he’d see in his eyes that he wasn’t lying.

“My parents were drunk and mad about the whole grocery thing. Things escalated a bit when I didn’t stay silent and then I ran out and waited for you. It’s honestly not that bad, I just got really freaked out yesterday and didn’t want to stay there.” His voice didn’t tremble, because this was all true. To some people it may seem like a lie. How could you be fine after your parents did that to you? However Howon was kind of used to this behavior. If he considered them his family, it would probably hurt him more. He didn’t though, because Woohyun was his family. They looked out for each other, loved each other, put each other first. That’s what a family was.

Woohyun furrowed his brows in irritation. “You’re only saying that because this is normal to you. Your cheek is still red, there’s blood on your face and yesterday your eyes they were just… “ He stopped and Howon was just beginning to think that was it, but then he looked back up at him with teary, but determined eyes. “You weren’t even really here with me! I mean you’re back now, but what if one day you don’t come back here? Back to me? There was nothing in your eyes, Howon!”

Howon sighed. “They barely ever hit me, you know that.”

“Do you realize how wrong that sounds? They shouldn’t do that at all!” Woohyun exclaimed.

He didn’t reply to that, had nothing to say. Of course that was true, they both knew that.

Woohyun lay back down on the bed and dragged him down along with him. “Please just let me call child services.”  
Howon hated how defeated he sounded. This is why he shouldn’t have called him. Things like this always ate at him so much when they shouldn’t.

He gently swept the older’s bangs out of his eyes to press a soft kiss to the little mole on his right eyelid. _I love you._ “It’s just a few more months. We’ll move to Seoul together right after graduation. They wouldn’t be able to move me that quick anyway, right? Just think about us in Seoul together.”  
Woohyun just grunted a bit in reply, probably because he knew he was right, but hated it nevertheless. Well, he wasn’t the only one. He leaned into the hand still stroking his back.

“We have to start looking for apartments this month to get a good one near Uni. I can go work at a law firm to get some experience and tutor some kids from a nearby school. And you can tutor as well.  
And we can hang my stupid doodles that you like so much all around our apartment…” Just like that, he filled the silence the way Woohyun usually did with dreams for their future. Howon mostly started doing this to distract and cheer up his boyfriend, but the longer he talked about it, the happier it made him.  
And when they finally got up an hour later so Woohyun could make them some breakfast, he had nearly forgotten all about last night. The only thing that was still on his mind were the soft taps on his back that lulled him to sleep.

* * *


	2. Phonecert

The clock on his bedside table read 11:51. Just 9 more minutes and it would be March 28th, which means that in a mere 9 minutes his boyfriend would turn 18 years old.  
Ever since that night he had picked him up with that empty gaze, he’d made sure he Howon slept at his house as often as possible. Of course he couldn’t, nor wanted, to stay over every single night. Woohyun’s parents were barely home, but Howon couldn’t be at their house every single time they were. How was he supposed to explain that to them without telling them that he was in fact his boyfriend, that he was gay, that his boyfriend’s parents were even shittier than them?  Thank you very much, they could all live just fine without all of that.

When he didn’t sleep at his though, Woohyun barely slept at all. He knew – or more like hoped – that the physical abuse was really really rare, but he knew that the emotional wasn’t. Sure, Howon had a strong mentality, but he shouldn’t have to go through this.

His parents were home tonight, had been for the past 3 days, so Howon couldn’t sleep at his place tonight. They were set to leave for another business trip to Japan tomorrow morning though, which meant he would pick up his boyfriend right after they left and they’d spend the weekend together; safe.

Another glance at the clock told him there was just 2 minutes to go. Drumming the fingers of his left hand on his thighs, he ruffled his still slightly wet hair with the other. Not that he had to actually make an effort in the looks-department around Hoya anymore, but it never hurt to not look as tired as he actually way right now.

When it was just one minute to midnight, Woohyun clutched his phone, thumb hovering over the video call button and just as the clock struck midnight, he let it fall down. As soon as the beeping started, a huge grin take over his face and it only seemed to get brighter when Howon’s sleepy face made an appearance.

“Wooh-“

Before he even had the chance to say anything, Woohyun started singing happy birthday. He waved his fist that wasn’t holding his phone around excitedly and even wiggled his shoulders and head like an overly happy puppy.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” he whisper-shouted at his confused-looking boyfriend and laughed when he got a grunt in response.

“Is this how you should thank your boyfriend for staying up all night just to be the first to wish you a happy birthday?” It was supposed to sound at least a little bit scolding, but due to his huge grin, it came out for fond than anything. Woohyun cleared his throat and started singing softly.

 _“This is the most expensive solo concert in the world_ _  
__I’m the singer and the audience is just you_  
_Before the curtains are drawn_  
 _Just be careful of a few things”_

Woohyun softly sang, with the help of Howon on some parts that the other knew, until he finally ended the song with the opening lines. When he was done, they were both quiet for a minute. The birthday boy was rubbing the last remains of sleep from his eyes while he patiently waited for him to say something.  
Slowly but surely, a shy smile took over Howon’s face. “You know you didn’t have to do all of this. I would have been fine with a birthday text once you wake up.” His voice was still slightly raspy, but Woohyun loved it.

Of course he knew he didn’t have to do anything, but come one, what kind of boyfriend would he be if he just treated this like any other day?  
“Yeah yeah”, Woohyun chuckled, “What do you want the setlist for your phonecert to be?” He tried to get all serious again by grabbing a pen and paper, holding both up to show he was ready to write down any requests so there wouldn’t be unnecessary breaks between the songs.

Howon seemed to earnestly contemplate this. However, he started shaking his head after a minute or two. “Nothing.”  
Woohyun immediately started pouting pouting and looking around as if he was seeing his room for the first time. He wasn’t the most confident in his voice. Sure, he had always loved singing, but it wasn’t before Howon had accidentally heard him singing to himself while he was walking home that he got a bit of confidence in his voice. The younger had confessed once that he loved when Woohyun sang to him so to him, this was a really cute idea for his birthday. Seemed like he was wrong though.

A sigh filtered through the speaker. “Woohyun?” No response. “Woohyun, look at me.” Reluctantly, he raised his head to meet the others eyes through the screen. Howon looked at him with a barely there smile on his face, which made him perk up a bit again. “I just” he started, but his ears started turning red and all of the sudden he was the one not wanting to meet Woohyun’s eyes anymore. “Just want to hear you in person instead.”

Woohyun barely caught it because of how mumbled the words were, but he did. And as soon as his brain registered what he’d just heard, the happy shine lit up his eyes once again. Wiggling about, he nodded furiously. “Okay, okay. I can’t come over right now, but as soon as I pick you up. In like ten hours? Are you gonna be ready by then?”  
Maybe he was too excited for a simple weekend together doing nothing except laze around and study, but who cared?

They set a time and just talked about random things for a few more minutes until finally he had enough of the other’s yawning. “Let’s go to bed, yeah?” He was met with a grateful nod, but couldn’t hold back from the teasing “After all, the sooner you sleep, the sooner you’ll hear me serenade you in person.”

\----

The ten minute drive later that morning was filled with Woohyun singing snippets of songs the birthday boy requested. Most ended with both of the just belting out the chorus though.

Right now, they were on their way to Woohyun’s room. Once there, the older took his boyfriends bag and threw it on the bed. _Home sweet home._  
“So, what do you wanna do and get for your birthday? We can bake a cake later, but it’s still too early for that. And of course I DO have a present already, but if there’s anything you want, you can just ask and we’ll go get that instead and I’ll give you the present whenever or like maybe never. Yeah, never is good to. Whatever, just tell me what you want, baby.” He would have probably rambled on and on if Howon hadn’t chosen that moment to push him onto the bed.

 It seemed to be one of the rare times he wasn’t as shy about skinship and Woohyun absorbed the affection like a sponge.  
He was pulled out of his little happy stupor, which was basically just him sitting there and grinning like a fool, by Howon sneaking his arms around his neck and sitting down in his lap.  
“Can’t you just get me a new brain that secures me a law scholarship?” His voice was muffled by Woohyun’s sweater, but the other heard him well enough. Softly, he started rubbing his back.

Woohyun put his chin on the other’s shoulder. “You can already get that with the brain you have right now. “ And he wasn’t wrong. Howon was constantly first in their class. Granted, he worked really hard for that, but who didn’t study a lot these days? And the others didn’t even come close to him. Woohyun was so proud of him for remaining to stay at the top despite everything. His boyfriend’s self-deprecating snort made him frown and pull back, in turn forcing Howon to pull back and look at him as well.

“Hoya, you can be so proud of yourself. You know that, right?” The crease between his brows just deepened when he simply shrugged.  
“Look, you’re incredibly smart. You’re so determined to stay at the top of our year no matter what happens at home. Hell, ever since we started dating, you even managed to make me raise my grades. And most importantly: You know what you want.” When Howon shrugged again, he sighed exasperatedly.

“Knowing what you want is so important”, he stressed. “You can only really strive once you have a goal in mind. You want to be a lawyer and help others. You want to help them get out of situations like yours, want to help their parents so it never comes to this. And you would do anything to reach that goal. We both know you would starve yourself before you gave up on this.”

Howon comes a little bit alive at this. Instead of just shrugging with his head hung low like a scolded school boy, he straightened his back as he looked right into Woohyun’s eyes with defiance sparkling in them.  
“So do you. You have it more laid out than I do, actually. You’re going to study business and then take over your parent’s company. The only reason you’re not working as hard as I am is because you don’t need a scholarship.”

Truth was, this was partly true. This was what he was supposed to do, but it wasn’t what he wanted. Not really, but he didn’t want to disappoint his parents either. Or Howon, but he figured now was the time to finally break the good news that would also break him out of his parent’s company that seemed nothing but a cage hanging over him, threatening to fall and trap him.

“Actually”, Woohyun started playing with the younger’s fingers, grinning shyly, “I’m kind of hoping to get a scholarship.”

Now it was Howon’s turn to furrow his brows. “Woohyunie, don’t you think you should let kids who actually need a scholarship have it?”

Woohyun squeezed the fingers still in his grip to calm the others building anger right down. “But I need it and I… well I have good chances of getting it.” When he saw Howon’s confused face, he hurried to explain. “I didn’t tell you before, because it was just a rumour, but the coach confirmed it a couple of days ago. Apparently someone noticed I had a couple of really good games lately and I basically just have to play without falling flat on my face at the finale to get the soccer scholarship.”  
By the end of his explanation he was literally buzzing with all the excitement he’d held back for the past 2 days.

It seemed to take his boyfriend a few seconds to register what he’d been told, but the moment he did, his broke into one of his rare huge smiles and flung his arms around Woohyun’s neck, squeezing him half to death with his hug and constantly mumbling ‘congratulations’ against his neck, his hear, his shoulder. Anywhere he could reach with his lips, really.

Woohyun laughed into Howon’s hair, picking him up and spinning him around happily. When the coach had told him that a scout was coming to the final game of the soccer season, he’d been ecstatic for about 5 minutes before he realized that nobody would be happy about this. At least not his parents. It would take a few weeks until they’d actually have time to listen to him explain this and then they’d be nothing but disappointed in him. What did he get good grades for if he wasn’t planning on taking over the company they worked so hard to build? He knew it wasn’t fair to just drop this on them when they didn’t even have an idea who else would take over. Woohyun was an only child so this had always been the plan from the get-go. He didn’t even dare hope for a second that they’d support him and that’s why he needed the scholarship. Before the rumours started flying around, he hadn’t even allowed himself to think about anything else but taking over the company, even though he hated the thought of being stuck there. At least he had Howon. The prospect of moving to Seoul, of living there with him had made all of this okay. His working hours wouldn’t fulfill him, but that was alright as long as he got to spend the rest of the day and night with his family.

Soccer though… Soccer had always cleared his head of everything. One would think that playing would build up even more pressure, as everyone looked at him and counted on him to play well. As long as he was out on the field though, he didn’t care about them. He played for nobody but himself. And being allowed to do that more, to go to school for that seemed almost too good to be true.

Howon wiggling out of his embrace to hold him at arm’s length pulled him out of his thoughts.  
“Which university is it? What area?” he panted.

And that’s where it was all bound to go downhill.

“Actually”, Woohyun started with a sheepish grin, “it’s a school on Jeju Island.”

He didn’t like the loss of weight on his shoulders, as Howon’s hands dropped from them. He didn’t like the confusion on his face, like he couldn’t understand how Woohyun studying someone that wasn’t Jeju was possible. He, most of all, didn’t like the flash of betrayal that flashed in the younger’s eyes.

Panicking wouldn’t help him right now, but he already felt his heartbeat pick up as he reached out to take Howon’s hand in both of his again.

“No no no, listen! I know we always wanted to move to Seoul together, but I already talked to the coach and I have it all figured out, trust me.”

His thumbs started rubbing circles into the back of Howon’s hand. With a soft voice, he continued: “Since the coach knows I always talk about moving to Seoul, he made a deal that IF I get the scholarship, they’ll pay for a flight once a month and once my parents get over the initial shock, I’m sure they’ll pay for flights. And I can get a job. And the weekends we can’t visit each other, we’ll just skype.”

The crease in between his boyfriend’s brows didn’t seem to smooth over. He allowed Woohyun to touch him, didn’t pull away from the affection, but the warmth that he’d been radiating just a few minutes prior was gone.

“Can’t you find a soccer scholarship in Seoul? Or at least anywhere close though?” His voice sounded so small and his pupils kept shifting, as if he was searching for reassurance and answers in Woohyun’s eyes.  
Woohyun shook his head sadly. “Not really. This is a pretty new school. That’s the reason they want me and are willing to pay for plane rides, because they see potential in me. I’m just not good enough for big ones in Seoul, they won’t look at me twice.”

He wanted so badly for Howon to be proud of him. Finally, he was only a step behind him. He wasn’t floundering around anymore. He had a real goal now and that would make him work hard and they’d both be able to reach their dream. For months he had been afraid of the other leaving him, because he finally realized that his future was so much brighter than Woohyun’s, but now he found a way out. Now Howon could be proud of him and they could both shine next to each other instead of Woohyun just burrowing his light.

After what felt like years of tense silence that had Woohyun sweating more than any exam he had ever taken, his birthday boy finally nodded. “Okay. If that’s the only way for you, we’ll just have to make it work.”

The weight of his whole world was lifted off his heart with those words and he finally relaxed his shoulders to pull Howon against his chest again. “Time for presents!”

\----

 It was a few hours later and they had already looked through the photobook of them Woohyun had made for his boyfriend as well as the biography of Howon’s favourite judge. The mood was okay, but they weren’t completely back to their absolute comfort around each other and Woohyun was beginning to get anxious about it. He understood why the younger would be disappointed. They’d been talking about going to Seoul together for years, after all. But he couldn’t help but be disappointed that he was the happiest by far about his own scholarship.

When he returned from the kitchen, where he’d disposed of their dishes from the cake they’d made together, he found his boyfriend sitting on his bed with an unreadable expression, starring at a few loose pages in his lap.  
At first he was confused, but as soon as he understood what was in the other’s lap, Woohyun dived onto the bed and scrambled around, trying to shield the pages from Howon’s eyes. “Stop, stop, stop!” he tried to get the remaining one out of his hands, but Howon clutched it to his chest.

Woohyun ended up sprawled all over Howon’s lap, panting and with a few crumpled pages in his grasp. Their eyes met and after a few seconds both of them burst out laughing. He struggled up in a sitting position, shielding his red face with the cause of them. Howon, however, reached over, gently taking them away and ruffling his now messy hair in place.

They sat in front of each other with their legs crossed when the younger gently picked up the scattered pages, holding them up. “I didn’t mean to pry, but uhm… do you want to talk about it?” It was Woohyun’s turn to shrug his shoulders. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but he didn’t know what else to say anymore. What these pages held were months’ worth of lyrics about his past, present and hopes for the future. Judging from the snippets he had managed to glance at in the scuffle though, the ones about his past were the only ones out in the open now.

Howon scanned the one he was currently holding again before linking his pinky with Woohyun’s.  
“Why didn’t you tell me you were writing songs” he quietly asked. Really, it wasn’t that much of an active not telling, it was just something that never came up.  
He shrugged again. “I don’t know. Jonghyun just needed help on a song maybe a year ago and I was at his place so I tried to help. He liked my lyrics and I kind of liked writing? So whenever I think of something and can’t really let it go I just write it down. Jonghyun helps me a lot, too. Especially with composing, I’m still really new to that.”

He knew Howon wanted to ask about the content he held in his hands, but didn’t know whether he should. Woohyun didn’t like the other holding back just to maybe safe him from having to live through a dark time again so he started swinging their hands, linked through their pinkies, back and forth and started explaining: “You already know I’ve been bullied… I mean not really bullied, I guess I just wasn’t very likeable and…” He was stopped by Howon flicking his forehead. “Owwie”. He rubbed it with a pout on his lips, but continued when his boyfriend’s face that told him how much he deserved that and yeah… maybe. “Okay so I was bullied at my old school, happy?!” The nod of the other made him roll his eyes.

“Anyway, I don’t really like talking about it much. Most of the others don’t even know. Obviously, you do and Kibum as well, since he’s the one who was my only friend back then. It’s why he’s so mean to most of my new friends at the beginning. Remember how I didn’t spend that much time with you when we were at school? That’s because Kibummie gets all snippy towards all my new friends and I was afraid he’d scare you off. He saw the light and loves you now, though. This isn’t something that still bothers me a lot anymore, but I know myself enough to realize it did change me and sometimes I just…”

Woohyun was barely ever at a loss for words, but his inability to explain himself in situations where he, in his eyes, looked weak and vulnerable was the reason he’d been so relieved when he’d realized that he didn’t have a problem with it as long as he just wrote it down. But he hated this. He wanted to explain what was going on, wanted to give the other the answers he knew he wanted so desperately and the fact that he seemingly couldn’t unnerved him.

Luckily for him, while Howon wasn’t one for many words, he knew how to express himself with actions. So he scooted closer to the Woohyun, who was still struggling to find the words, and kissed his temple. He simply made calming sounds while his hands were stroking his wrists.

Once he’d calmed down and sorted his thoughts out a bit more, Woohyun looked back up into his boyfriend’s eyes.  
“Sometimes”, he picked up where he’d left off, “I can’t let these memories go. They won’t let me sleep, because I keep thinking about what ifs. What if everybody hates me again? Would you leave me then? And what if this is the real reason my parents are barely around? What if they don’t actually have to go to all these meetings themselves, but just can’t stand to be around me?”  
Woohyun stopped himself to take a deep breath when he realized he’d been getting more frantic in his little speech and that tears were gathering in his eyes already. He wanted to tell Howon how grateful he was for patiently listening instead of interrupting him or urging him on, but he’d have to get all of this out first.

“I know those thoughts are stupid. I know you love me and I know my parents love me despite being so busy with work. And I know my friends wouldn’t just leave me hanging. Writing helps when I can’t reason myself into calmness, though. When I can’t sleep because of these thoughts, I write them down and then they’re on a piece of paper instead of in my brain and I can get some rest. I’m actually really thankful Jonghyun gave me the key to this door, you know?”

Glad that he’d managed to finish, he finally let the stray tears run down his uplifted cheeks. Seeing him cry, Howon immediately rushed to hug him. They weren’t sad tears though, not really. He’d managed to keep the memories at bay, but he was so relieved he’d finally told the other. He really hadn’t tried to keep it a secret, though the longer he hadn’t told him, the more it had felt like one.

Woohyun didn’t want the mood to continue to be so down. This was Howon’s birthday, damn it, they were supposed to be celebrating and laughing, but they’d spent half the day being a bit awkward or sad. He was more than done with that.

He wiggled out of the hug, though not before pressing a few kisses to the younger teen’s shoulder, to stumble off the bed. “You have a talent for picking out only the sad stuff, Hoya.” He dug through his little shoebox that was dedicated to his songs with loose pages, journals and USB sticks lying in it. After a few minutes of flicking through hi little red notebook, he triumphantly held up the right page with an “AHA!”.

As he climbed back on the bed next to Howon, he couldn’t hold back the excited giggles. With pink cheeks, Woohyun handed him the journal, which was opened on a song called ‘Everyday’.    
“This was originally supposed to be your birthday present, but…” While Howon was reading, Woohyun’s heartbeat picked up considerably. Of course he told the other that he loved him nearly too often, but writing a song for him was on a whole other level. Was it too much? He knew the other tended to be pretty reserved with his affections. Usually he never complained about Woohyun not holding back one bit, but Howon hadn’t said a single word while reading the lyrics.

Finally, he broke the silence. “Can you sing it for me?” Woohyun looked back up at him just to see a shy, but radiant smile on his boyfriend’s face. Apparently, he didn’t have to worry about being too much.

“Anything for my birthday boy.” And as he sang Howon his birthday song, it felt like the tense atmosphere was finally lifted from them. Maybe they wouldn’t study together, but Woohyun was sure they’d somehow manage to stay together; simply because he needed to stay with Howon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again thanks to azar for bullying me into finishing this chapter. the title and idea is from 10cm's song phonecert, which you should all listen to. the last song is obviously woohyun's everyday


	3. Wanli

Howon had been awake for a while now, just looking at what he could see of his boyfriend in the dark room. Since it had to be as dark as possible for him to be able to sleep, he never got to be tickled awake by sunlight. He didn’t mind, but had to admit it was kind of a bummer that couldn’t properly see Woohyun’s face right now. Lightly, he let his fingers travel up and down the other’s arm, making a little street from his shoulder to his palm and back up. He’d been doing this for the past 15 minutes now, but Woohyun showed no signs of waking up due to this anytime soon.

 He started frowning as he thought about how a couple months had passed since his birthday and the shocking news without them really talking about it again. They broached the subject sometimes now that they were in the midst of preparation for their final exams, but it really barely came up. Truth be told, whenever it looked like Woohyun would even got close to that topic in their conversations, he found some way or another to either change the topic or his focus. Whatever worked. Howon knew they’d have to talk about this sooner or later, but he just didn’t want to see the dejected look in Woohyun’s eyes again that he had worn when he hadn’t been quick enough to hide the fear of losing the other by being separated. Sadness was generally a horrible look on his boyfriend, but it was really the worst when he knew he was the cause for this.

His fingers found their way to the older teen’s face, tracing his relaxed brown faintly. This relaxed and unguarded version of him was much better. One of his favourite looks on his boyfriend. The problem was just that he knew in a few months, he’d barely ever get to see it again for a few years minimum.  
Howon was excited for Woohyun and happy that he finally found something he wanted to actually do instead of just studying because Howon wanted him to do his best and his parents wanted him to go to a good university in order to take over the company. He wasn’t dumb, he’d always known that that wasn’t what Woohyun wanted, not really. It just also never seemed like he didn’t want it either. And when they’d talked about living together in a little apartment in Seoul, he’d actually seemed to be the happiest person in the world just thinking about it. That’s exactly what he himself thought he’d be once they lived together. Sure, being a lawyer was his dream, but that was only one part of the actual dream: Being a lawyer while living with Woohyun by his side. Howon wanted his boyfriend to reach for the stars and achieve his dream, it just hurt that his own had to partly die for it. Especially considering that he’d thought that part was part of Woohyun’s dream as well.  
On top of all that, long-distance relationships really didn’t have the greatest success rate. They were Woohyun and Howon, they’d probably work it out, but going from seeing  the other nearly every single day, sharing a bed with him at least 2 days a week to seeing each other for a weekend once a month maybe? Just the thought of that unsettled him.

A finger poking his forehead startled him out of his thoughts.

“What has you so worried early in the morning?,” the gruff voice of Woohyun greated him as he looked up at the one who’d shaken him out of his thoughts. The other kept blinking his still heavy eyes with a lazy grin on his face, slowly waking up. Howon retreated his hand that was still smoothing over the nonexistent worry lines on his forehead. It was probably stupid after being with the other for nearly two years already, but showing his affection so openly while Woohyun was aware of it made him shy.

Luckily, Woohyun had far less inhibitions. In his still sleep-drunk state, he closed the already little space between their bodies to plop down on top of Howon with a content sigh. Now that the older teen couldn’t see his blush anymore, he gently started to run the fingers of one hand up and down Woohyun’s spine, while the other carded through the soft hair. He knew he’d done the right thing when Woohyun started making weird noises somewhere between a hum and a purr while nuzzling his head against Howon’s chest.

“Did you already make a banner for the match?”

Howon momentarily froze, but continued his soothing motions a second later. He could only hope the fight he’d been fearing ever since Woohyun dropped the news wouldn’t break out now. In an effort to keep the atmosphere light, he chuckled at the other’s suggestion.

“Oh, what else do you want me to do? Do you want me to show up in a cute skirt and bows in my hair, yelling ‘Go, oppa, go! Fighting, Woohyun Messi!’?” He had chanted the last bit enthusiastically, even going so far as patting the rhythm on Woohyun’s back.

He was met with giggles. God, he really didn’t know anyone else that age who actually giggled. “Can you do a little choreo as well?”

“Sure, just tell me how long you want it to be and I’ll fix something.”

Woohyun rested his chin on the other’s chest so they could look at each other. “But if you do that, I won’t be able to concentrate and trip over my feet and embarrass myself in front of the whole school AND the scout!,” he pouted.

Howon snorted. “The whole school? Getting a bit ahead of ourselves, aren’t we?”

He earned a half-hearted punch to his chest for that before Woohyun nuzzled back into him. “You, my parents, Kibum, Jonghyun, Jongie, Soo, Yeol and Dongwoo are the only people I want there, but since not everyone can make it…” Howon heard the disappointment in Woohyun’s voice, heard how his voice kept getting quieter as if he was unsure whether he should really share this with him.

He knew for a fact that all their friends were going to be there and he would, of course, not miss this for the world so it had to be his parents. He tried to get a glimpse at the other’s face, but, predictably, it was hidden in Howon’s shirt / chest.

With a sigh, he dropped a kiss on top of Woohyun’s head. This wasn’t fair, none of it was. It was Woohyun’s moment to shine and show his parents that he was actually amazing at something that he loved, that he had an actual future with it, but they wouldn’t even take the time out of their day to watch him. Of course they were both busy, but couldn’t the clear their schedule for one evening?

Howon reached down to squish Woohyun’s face between his hands and make him look up. When he was looking like a little confused fish like that, there was no room for sadness on his face. It even managed to bring a fond smile onto his own.

“If they don’t want to see how good their son is, that’s their loss.,” he spoke seriously. When he let Woohyun’s face go, the other started rubbing his slightly red cheeks. Was it due to the pressure and warmth of his fingers or his words? Howon really couldn’t tell.

“I’ll make some stupid banners for you with the others. Maybe I can even talk Sunggyu into buying us some soju so we can celebrate later.”

_And I will do my best to get your parent’s heartless asses there._

\----

Since the big match was only two days away, Howon finally gathered his courage to speak to Woohyun’s parents. Right now, he was standing outside their office, fidgeting from foot to foot while he was waiting to be called inside. It was a miracle they agreed to give him the time of day without him scheduling an appointment first, but they did know him as Woohyun’s best friend so maybe  they were worried he had bad news. Hell, he did! Them not coming to their son’s match made Woohyun sad, which was the worst news. On top of them, they’d have to face Howon’s wrath if they didn’t change their minds so double bad.

While Woohyun had been at practice last evening, Howon had decided to bench his homework for once and make those banners with their friends. Truth be told, his one wasn’t particularly pretty and he’d looked at Kibum and Sungjong’s with green eyes, but at least it was better than Myungsoo’s. He had been ready to rub it in the other’s face, but the other seemed so disappointed for not managing to make “something as pretty as hyung” that he didn’t have the heart to mock him for it. Sungyeol nearly had, but he was quick to interfere when he noticed the troublemaker’s plans. All in all though, they had had a great time. As for the banners… Howon decided it was the thought that counted. After all, Woohyun probably didn’t actually think they would all show up with banners to support him and Howon made sure to keep it a secret. No need to ruin the surprise.  
On top of that, he’d been able to talk Sunggyu into buying them a few bottles of soju, which Howon had picked up earlier that morning only to bring them to Sungjong’s house an hour later when he realized no form of alcohol was safe at his home. Others would frown upon him entrusting the youngest of their friends with soju to bring to a match, but he was the most reliable out of the bunch. Sungyeol and Kibum would have probably drunk it secretly, Dongwoo would have managed to smash the bottle right in front of a teacher and Myungsoo would have lost it.  
All in all, he was more than prepared for Woohyun’s big day. Now getting his parents there was the last thing on his to do list.

After fifteen minutes of waiting and being mustered with a judging look by every bypassing employee, he finally heard the little buzz that indicated they were ready for him. He smoothed his flannel down one last before finally entering.

The office was roughly the size of his parent’s apartment, but it seemed even bigger due to all the bright, although chilling, white walls and big windows behind the two writing desks. Howon had only been in here once or twice when he accompanied Woohyun on an errand. If he’d felt out of place with his boyfriend back then, he felt like he was from another galaxy now.

He let his gaze roam around, but they inevitably landed on Mr. Nam, who was sitting behind his desk in an impeccable navy blue suit. The man was in his early 50s if he remembered correctly, but the way his hair was styled to the side and jaw seemed to be constantly clenched in a cold look gave him an ageless look. As he lifted his hand to adjust the already perfectly fitting cuffs of his jacket, Howon’s eyes drifted over the Mrs. Nam, who was sitting there in her fitted grey dress, her head tilted the littlest bit as she looked at him over her glasses. While Howon never got a read on Woohyun’s father whatsoever, he could at least see the same curiosity in her eyes that he saw in Woohyun. Though she seemed to lose that as soon as she pushed her glasses back up her nose. Her delicate fingers started typing away on her laptop, but her gaze never left him. It felt like she was originally a lot more like Woohyun than she let on, but tried to hide it behind her scary pokerface.

They both looked like they had just gotten ready for some fancy business dinner while Howon stodd in front of them with his casual clothes and half-destroyed sneakers. Paired with the impatient looks the Nam couple was giving him by now, he really just wanted to leave. Upon realizing what he was thinking though, Howon clenched his jaw and squared up his shoulders. He was here on a mission for Woohyun and if it wasn’t easy, then so be it.

Before they could even say something, he stated his request: “Please come to Woohyun’s match on Friday. It’s at 7pm and only lasts about 2 hours and I know it would mean a lot to him if you were you come.”

It was silent for all of two minutes in which Howon stubbornly held Mr. Nam’s gaze. His wife had gone back to typing away on her laptop right after he had proposed this, but maybe at least Woohyun’s father would come. Whatever the business man had been trying to find in Howon’s eyes, however, he didn’t seem to find it.

With a sigh, the man looked at his watch. “Sorry, Howon, but our time is very limited. It’s nice of you to think of our son like this, but Woohyun is really mature. He knows how busy we are, I’m sure he understands this is more important than a little game.”

By the end of Mr. Nam’s little speech, Howon was nearly trembling with anger. Of course Woohyun didn’t complain, when did he ever selfishly demand something?! That didn’t mean his parents of all people should use this to calm their conscience. They’d raised their son to feel bad for wanting attention and Howon would not stand for this.

He turned to Woohyun’s mother instead, but she was still typing away. When he turned back, he saw Mr. Nam reaching for his phone already, but Howon had had it with these two. He would probably regret this in a few hours, but not now.

He stalked over to the two, smashing the laptop closed and snatching the phone away at the same time. “Stop working for a second!,” Howon growled.

Mrs. Nam just stared at him incredulously, but Mr. Nam was all red with anger. Howon knew once the other exploded, he wouldn’t get a word in, so he lost his patience first.

“Your own son,” he pointed a shaking finger from one to the other parent, “never asks you for _anything_. He never complained when you started leaving him home all alone for a whole in that mansion when he was only 15, he has been managing everything in his life by himself for years! When he told you a few months ago that he was scared of the upcoming finals, all you did was mail him a list of the best tutors around and tell him to choose one. Did you ever think that maybe he just wanted you to listen to his worries and encourage him?! When our friends bring up his parents’, _your_ , absence, he is the first to talk about how grateful he is to have such hardworking parents. In all the years I have known him, he has _never_ taken a bad word against you in his mouth, even though I am his best friend and best friends are supposed to complain about their parents a lot!”

His rant was tiring Howon out not only physically – what with all the yelling he was doing – but also emotionally, but he needed to get his point across. The two adults looked somewhere between shocked and angry right now when all he wanted was for them to look sad or guilty. So he took a deep breath and made sure to look both of them in the eyes when he continued in a trembling, but calmer voice.

“Woohyun feels lonely a lot, even though he never says so. You two probably don’t see it, because you don’t see him often at all and when you do, he tends to either act or be really happy since he does not want to ruin the little family time he gets. This is probably the only thing he has asked of you in years, how can you just turn him down like that?! And for your information: It’s not just a ‘little game’, it’s his final match with the team he’s the star player of. Do you even know that they all look up to him? That he’s the captain? You don’t, because you never listen to him! So just once, go support your son instead of acting like he’s the burden instead of your work!”

Howon took a deep breath. It was all out now. If he continued, he would only get mad again or accidently tell them about the scout coming to watch Woohyun play.  
He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Mrs. Nam open her laptop back up. Had this really meant nothing to them?! Did they simply not listen to what he’d just said or did they not care? He hoped it was the former, but he wasn’t so sure anymore.

He gave one last disappointed look to Mr. Nam before turning around and leaving the office. Good thing he hadn’t told Woohyun about his plans today, he didn’t want to imagine the hope in his eyes getting crushed again.

On the bus back to Woohyun’s house, he rearranged his plans. If Woohyun’s parents didn’t want to show love to their own son and support him, fine. That just meant Howon would have to be even more loving towards the older to make up for it.

**Hoya**  
I’m on my way over. Are you home?

Not even a minute later his phone beeped. Typical. Sometimes he felt like Woohyun knew whenever it was him sending a text, even though he knew for a fact that the other always had the phone on vibrate so there was no way for him to know who was texting him.

**Woohyunnie**  
yesssss ヾ（＾ヮ＾)ﾉ  
don’t eat on the way I just made food!

**Hoya**  
I will be there in 10 minutes  
Thank you for making food

Was that enough? For the old Howon it was, but not for the improved affectionate boyfriend Lee Howon so he started typing again with a blush.

**Hoya**  
I love you

\----

It was the day of the match and to say Howon was on edge would be an understatement. All week he had been feeling off about this, a strange foreboding taking place in the back of his mind that he tried to ignore to the best of his abilities. Sitting between Sungjong and Dongwoo would normally calm him down, but as he looked at all his peers making their way to the bleachers to claim the few remaining seats, he felt caged in. He nervously drummed an unknown beat on his thighs, but it felt out of rhythm, which just put him even more on edge.

Deciding he would probably die of nerves if he continued to just sit there, he handed his bright red banner to Sungjong. “I’m gonna be back in a few minutes, can you make sure nobody takes my seat?”, he asked the younger silently. The black haired boy furrowed his brows in worry, but nodded silently. Sungjong had a way of knowing when was the time to ask what was wrong and when wasn’t. Right now really wasn’t.

Howon started pushing through the crowd, getting faster and faster. _Woohyun said he only wants his friends and family there. Can’t they all just respect his wishes for once and leave him alone?!_ He knew it was an irrational thought, especially since Woohyun would never in a million years tell other people he didn’t want them around – well, except they were causing problems for people he cared about – but it felt like the constant buzz of voices and laughter just added to the rhythm in his head that was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Before he even knew where his feet were taking him, Howon found himself right in front of the changing rooms of the soccer team. And that’s when he understands that he doesn’t feel weird about all of this, mostly just Woohyun. He _needs_ to see him, see with his own eyes that he’s okay and then hopefully his heart will finally stop trying to jump out of his chest to look for Woohyun itself.

Just as he’s about to text Woohyun to ask if he can come outside for a minute, the door opens, nearly hitting him square in the face. Howon stumbles back just in time to come face to face with the Nams of all people. They either don’t recognize him with the embarrassing red and yellow face paint on his cheeks or they finally have enough of him after his little act at their office. He peers into the room through the now open door just to find Woohyun standing there with a huge smile on his face.

Howon walks over with a fond smile in his face, closing the door on his way. His fingers itch to reach for the other, to _feel_ that he is alright, but he is awfully aware of the more than half the team being in the room with them so he stuffs his unruly hands in the front pocket of his hoodie instead. At least he doesn’t feel like his whole body is thrumming with nervous energy anymore now that he can see Woohyun unharmed and smiling at him right before his eyes.

“My parents came!”, Woohyun exclaims in such an excited hush that Howon’s heart clenches at the sheer happiness radiating from his body. “They are even going to stay for the game. The whole game!”

In Howon’s eyes, a son should not be this happy about their parents staying to watch him play soccer for two hours, but he can’t help but smile when he sees the older teen wringing his hands in front of his body and biting his lips, probably to keep from laughing and jumping around like an idiot. So he just reaches over to ruffle the other’s hair with one hand and thrusts something in his hands with the other. It’s nothing special, really, but the little puppy keychain with a four-leaved clover in its snout looked a lot like Woohyun so he had to buy it.

Woohyun, who is still smiling like an idiot, tilts his head as he looks at the little puppy in his hand. And god, he really does look like the damn thing. Howon finally unclenches his fists when his boyfriend tackles him in a hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is the best day ever, Hoya! Make sure to film all the goals I make today so I’ll always remember this, okay?”

Howon reluctantly steps out of the hug to nod with a little smile. “And I’ll make sure to get all the times you fall on your face on camera, too.”

Woohyun raises his hand to slap his arm, but gives him another quick hug instead. He’d love to linger, wants to get Woohyun out of here and tell him of well he’ll do without the prying eyes of the team on him, but Howon settles for rubbing Woohyun’s pulse point for a moment, feeling it race underneath his thumb. Any other time this would worry him, but the other admittedly looks like he is barely keeping himself back from running around laughing in happiness and he’s probably nervous about the scout out there so he uses it for the gesture only. To let the other know he cares.

“Uhm I better go back and defend my seat again. I just wanted to wish you good luck out there.”

Woohyun nods enthusiastically again. “Of course, I have to go warm up anyway.”

He thinks that’s it, walks out of the room and is nearly at his seat again when his phone beeps. Howon shouldn’t be surprised that it’s a cute selca of Woohyun kissing the keychain puppy.

**Woohyunie**  
[image]  
（*＾3＾）/～♡

\----

It happens in the blink of an eye and slow motion at the same time. The bad feeling returns about ten minutes into the game. Howon tries to ignore it, keeps telling himself that it’s fine, because he can see Woohyun running around down there and he looks more than okay, but the feeling gets worse by the second. Right when it gets to the point he actually considers going over to Woohyun’s parents to ask them to do _something_ , he sees it.

One second Woohyun’s dribbling, close to scoring a goal or so it seems and the next this massive boy trips and crashes right into the other’s outstretched leg. Woohyun crashes to the ground immediately. No sound whatsoever reaches Howon for a second that stretches on for hours in his mind and then Woohyun’s pained cry is all he can hear.

He doesn’t move. Doesn’t move when the Nams run onto the field. Doesn’t move when the crowd surges forward, pushing and shoving at him. Doesn’t move when Kibum yells at him on his own way down the bleachers and onto the field. Doesn’t move when their teachers yell at the students, who try to get as close as possible to see what’s happening. Doesn’t move when the ambulance arrives.

He doesn’t hear what Sungjong says to him, when he finally manages to make Howon move towards a cab that’s already waiting for them. All he keeps hearing is the echo of Woohyun’s scream and all he keeps seeing is the odd angle Woohyun’s leg bended before he fell to the ground in a heap. He tries to blend it out by blocking his ears, but he hears it clear as days. Tries to shut the images out by closing his eyes, but they just keep flashing in his memory. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for the ending, but i did say that an alternate title is hoy suffers... uhm i guess you could also exchange hoy for woohyun :(


	4. Let Me Out

White. White walls. White noise all around him. White coats flapping around while the doctors hurried along the corridor. Howon had been at the hospital for about five hours now, though he only knew that thanks to the big clock across from him that he kept staring at. Ever since he’d seen Woohyun crumble on the field like a marionette whose strings had been cut, Howon had lost all sense of time. He couldn’t forget how small he looked, how wrong he looked. Not just because of the weird angle of his leg, but because Woohyun was always so strong and bright so seeing him all curled in on himself like a child having a nightmare terrified him every time the image flashed up in his mind. Not only that, it was coupled with the pained cry that he _knew_ he could not possibly have actually heard; but the fake one that kept banging against his eardrums was a very convincing trick of his mind.

For once, Woohyun’s parents actually acted like parents, which Howon was eternally grateful for, because he had been of no use at all. All he could do was sit there and stare at the doctors or the clock and drum his fingers on the underside of his chair.

Just as he realized that the songs he was drumming into his chair were actually all part of Woohyun’s birthday ‘playlist’ for him, Kibum sat down next to him. Howon took a deep breath in preparation, since he was sure he was about to get chewed out for being so useless, before he turned his head to the side.

Kibum wore an unreadable expression, but his face looked like he’d aged ten years in the past hours. Sometimes what Howon felt for Woohyun was so much and so deep that he forgot there were other people, who would try to make pigs fly to see Woohyun smile. The other had always been so protective of his best friend, even though there was barely anything to protect him from. Howon never saw him act like that with other people, but with Woohyun he wore his heart on his sleeve. And proudly at that.   
So it wasn’t surprising to him when Kibum broke their staring contest in favour of letting his head fall back against the wall and closing his eyes.

“The operation is over. He’s not completely there yet, though; Keeps blabbering about puppies.”

When the other didn’t continue right away, he held his breath. After nearly having a panic attack with all these strangers and their friends and Woohyun’s parents running around, he had moved down to a corridor one floor below. What if something went wrong and he would have not been there for Woohyun right away because of his selfish fears?

“He’s okay.” Kibum finally put him out of his misery, letting him breathe again.

The blonde shifted his gaze back to the younger, mustering him for a few moments. “His knee though…” Instead of finishing his sentence, Kibum pulled his legs onto the chair to hug them, which was so un-Kibum that Howon didn’t need him to finish that sentence to know that it wasn’t really okay.

“How bad?” His voice was trembling, just like his fingers, which had picked the beat to that damn Phonecert song back up again without him noticing.

He didn’t want to look at the other, but needed to so he knew he was not being lied to. Kibum seemed to search for the right words for a while until he finally looked at Howon again with a sad kind of resolution in his eyes. “He will walk again.”, was all he said. Howon just nodded, because he knew what that meant; right when Woohyun’s dream was close enough to reach for, it was torn to pieces.

“Does he…”, he started quietly, but lowered his head instead of finishing his question.

Suddenly, he felt cold hands on his neck and cheek that forced him to look directly into Kibum’s eyes, who had scooted to the edge of his seat. The, albeit thin, wall the older had put up previously was gone now and all that was left in his eyes was fierceness.

“You listen to me now, Lee Howon, and you listen good.” he started lowly, “Right now, he barely understands what the doctors mean when they just talk about him walking, but it’s only a matter of hours or maybe days until he does. When that happens, you are going to be there for him to be his shoulder to lean on while he’s crying and while he’s learning to properly walk again. Any sort of tears you have about this situation need to be shed now or when he’s not with you. He’s not going to be pleasant, but I expect you to suck it up and tell him off when he gets too much. He does not need to play soccer professionally.” He said the last sentence very slowly. “Woohyun might love soccer, but he doesn’t need it. That’s what you need to get into his head.”

Kibum slowly let go of his face. His face softened a bit, before he spoke up quietly again. “I know this is going to be hard for you, but we can’t let him go through this on his own. So please…” the blonde swallowed, “don’t leave him alone.”

\----

By the time he had, as advised, cried out the tears he’d been holding ever since that boy had barrelled into his boyfriend, most of the others were gone already. He had been standing in front of Woohyun’s, of course private, room for five minutes already when the door opened to reveal Mrs. Nam.

Howon quickly took a step back and bowed to her. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching my surroundings.”

When he looked back up he was met with a more than tired looking woman. He’d never seen the mother of his boyfriend look so old. Usually her whole appearance was spotless and cold, intimidating maybe. Now though bags were visible under her eyes, several strands of hair were pulled out of the tight bun she usually sported and instead of a blazer, she was now clutching onto a blanket that was draped around her shoulders. What got to him the most however was the sadness in her eyes.  
She just shook her head to his apology and even attempted a rare smile. “We are all a bit all over the place right now, no need to apologize.

He awkwardly nodded again while playing with his hands. All he wanted was to go in and see for himself that Woohyun was alright, but it seemed rude to just brush past her and maybe her husband was still in the room. He couldn’t send the man away from his son just because his fingers were aching to press on Woohyun’s wrist.

They stood in front of each other awkwardly for a few moments, Howon just about ready to make up some excuse for leaving just to try sneaking in later, but Mrs. Nam beat him to it.

“Sorry, you probably want to see Woohyun. He’s asked for you a few times.” He couldn’t help the light blush that coloured his cheeks pink at that, but tried to hide it by lowering his head again. “My husband is waiting in the car so we can pick up some clothes for him. It would be good if you could keep an eye on him while we’re gone.”

His nod was probably a bit too enthusiastic, but Mrs. Nam did not seem to notice. She just left with one last nod which he countered with a bow.

He stepped into the room, careful to be quiet when he closed the door behind him. Howon took a few steps and finally, _finally_ , he saw him.

Woohyun’s hair was hopelessly dishevelled and he was bundled up in two blankets, the heat colouring his slightly chubby cheeks pink. He blinked up at Howon slowly, smiling dazedly once he realized who just walked into his room. Howon nearly cried when the other held his arms out to make grabby hands at him while whining for him.

He couldn’t help but rush over to the other at that, his thumb finding the his pulse point on instinct. _It’s a calm beat, he’s okay._ Finally, he could rest easier. He knew Woohyun was fine, but he had to feel it for himself. If the way Woohyun shifted a bit on the bed and patted the space next to him was anything to go by, the other was so pumped on pain killers, he really had no idea what was going on.

Howon lay down next to him, careful not to nudge anywhere below the other’s waist. As soon as he was situated under the blankets, Woohyun nuzzled his face into his chest. He was not sure of what exactly his boyfriend was mumbling, but he was pretty sure he heard several “warm” and “Howonie” and “cuddly”s. It was mostly giggles though.

Right after his boyfriend had tangled his hands in his shirt to hold him close though, the weakness of his grip had Howon’s heart aching painfully, he started stroking his hair lightly. Every few minutes he mumbled an “I love you” into Woohyun’s hair that the other whined at happily. That just led to Howon kissing his nose, making Woohyun giggle even more while he scrunched his nose.

Originally, he had planned on trying to find out what the other remembered and what he knew about the condition he was in, but he couldn’t bring himself to burst the happy bubble his boyfriend was obviously in right now sooner than necessary. Instead he kissed the little mole on his eyelid and hummed to Woohyun until his breathing evened out and he was sure he’d fallen asleep.

He knew he should try to free himself from Woohyun’s embrace and slink into the chair to wait for the Nams, but instead he found himself pretending to be asleep when the door to the room opened again. Howon listened to Woohyun’s parents quietly talk about different doctors they knew that could help and once or twice he felt a slim hand reach over him to stroke Woohyun’s hair, but he soon let the noises lull him to sleep for real, knowing that this was the last moment of piece and calm he’d get for some time.

\----

 

It had been a couple days since the accident and the operation. Howon had spent the whole weekend at the hospital, entertaining a still mostly drugged Woohyun with cuddles, kisses and cartoons. Sometimes, right before he’d get the next pain medication, his boyfriend got whiny and then really quiet. He knew Woohyun was always one to complain about every little thing, but not the big ones. It was the reason for their first big fight a year ago, because the Nams had once again left Woohyun alone, for his birthday at that, without the other telling him. Woohyun had gotten better at telling him about his problems, but looking at him biting his lips so he wouldn’t cry or scream because of the pain the whole weekend showed him that maybe he didn’t tell him everything.

The whole day at school he’d been anxious to the point he couldn’t even answer the teacher’s question in his biology class, which had never happened before. He didn’t care though; he cared about the fact that the doctors would finally talk to Woohyun about his injury at 3pm, but he only got out of school at 4pm. So as soon as the bell rang, he threw the already packed bag over his shoulder to run out of the room, out of the school, across the street, two blocks, took a right and only slowed his steps when a nurse threatened to throw him out if he continued running. He speed-walked along the corridor until he finally burst into the room without knocking at 4:20pm.

The first thing he noticed was the shattered pieces of the ugly red vase the hospital had given him for the daisies he’d brought Woohyun. White petals lay scattered in the little puddle, some glued to the big window. When he got over the first initial shock that froze him to his spot, still panting from his sprint to get here in time, he let his gaze wander while he cautiously stepped closer. The whole room was a mess of pillows, clothes, flowers and whatever else had been in there in the first place. It looked like a tornado had hit it, but Howon knew it was the very person he hadn’t reached fast enough.

Carefully, he stepped over the pieces of glass and puddles and pillows to get to the lump that was lying in the middle of the hospital bed under a thin blanket. He didn’t know what to do with this situation. He had only prepared himself for Woohyun falling into his arms right after he found out about his condition, not this kind of battlefield.

Tentatively, he lifted the blanket with a shaking hand to scoot under it. As soon as he was sure it was all back in place with nothing peeking out for the monsters of words that still seemed to haunt this room to take, Howon wrapped his arm around the motionless body of his boyfriend and took his cold hand in his sweaty one. Not even that emitted any sort of reaction from his boyfriend, which alarmed him. Normally Woohyun couldn’t help but melt a bit into touches, cuddle just that bit closer or wrap the arm just a little tighter around himself.

Not really knowing whether he should talk or let the other decide when he was ready to, Howon started to mindlessly draw patters on the back of Woohyun’s hand. A few minutes passed until he felt the body in his arms relax slowly. Deciding that it was time to try to communicate, his random strokes turned into characters. _I love you._ He repeated the motions three times until he felt a shiver run down the others spine. At least he didn’t pull away and a shiver was better than being ignored so he drew an _Are you ok_ on the little hand three times before going back to just holding said hand. The tension was right back in the little body huddled in on itself and Howon was about to ask again, maybe out loud this time, when he finally felt the head under his chin shake from side to side in a no.

Howon’s heart curled in on itself painfully just like Woohyun’s body did at that. He’d known that he wouldn’t be okay, but Woohyun’s agony made it real. Woohyun would never play soccer professionally. Maybe he would never play soccer again at all. He clenched his eyes shut as he tightened the hold he had on his boyfriend.

Finally, _finally,_ he felt tiny tremors evolve into full shaking and he heard the sobs, felt the tears on his arm. It sounded horrible, but he was so glad Woohyun was finally crying. The way he’d just lay there so lifelessly prior had felt nothing but unnatural.

He made little cooing and shushing sounds and peppered the back of his boyfriend’s head, his nape, his cheeks, anywhere he could reach, with little pecks, hoping it would help ease his pain just a little bit.

Howon didn’t know how much time had passed – five minutes? An hour? A week? It didn’t matter – when he finally heard Woohyun speak up.

“Did you know?”

God, his voice sounded so rough. Used up and never used before at once. There was no accusation in it though, he just sounded like he was in so much pain and Howon would have preferred Woohyun angrily shouting at him over this.

He sighed, but answered anyway. “Yes.” When Woohyun didn’t react to that at all, not even in form of flinching or relaxing or anything, he tried to explain himself.

Howon scooted even closer to the other in a desperate attempt to keep him from leaving. Not ontly physically, but also emotionally. “I didn’t try to keep secrets from you”, he mumbled into Woohyun’s hair, “I was just trying to keep you as happy as possible for as long as I could. You kept giggling the past few days and when you weren’t doing that, you were sleeping. The doctors tried to tell you after the operation, but you were too out of it.”

It took some time, but he finally felt Woohyun nod his head. No more words were exchanged between them that day. They stayed in the hospital bed all day. For once, Howon didn’t even care about the weird looks the nurses and the Nams gave him upon finding them curled up together like this. If anything, it made him tighten his hold on the boy who seemed to have gotten even smaller over the past hours as if that would protect him from not only judging stares, but reality itself.    
When he heard the hospital quiet down, they kept quietly watching outside the window until he finally felt Woohyun fall asleep in his arms. Not even then did he allow sleep to take him though, as he was scared Woohyun would wake up alone from a nightmare, or he himself would wake up with Woohyun somehow gone.

\----

**Hoya**  
I’m sorry I had to leave, I have a chemistry test. I’ll  come back with snacks.

**Hoya**  
The nurse said you went home. Are you sleeping or can I come over?

**Hoya**  
Honey, you were sleeping when I came by and I didn’t want to wake you. I left you some of your disgusting white chocolate on the bedside table. Call me when you wake up, ok?

**Woohyunie**  
thanks

**Hoya**  
Are you up? Can I come over with some movies?

**Woohyunie  
** u gotta study

**Hoya**  
It’s fine, I already studied today. Which movies do you want?

**Woohyunie**  
i’m tired

**Hoya**  
Okay, should I pick you up for school tomorrow?

**Woohyunie**  
only coming back next week   
sorry

\----

He nervously shifted his weight from foot to foot. Normally Howon would already be sitting in class, going over his homework and squeezing in any second to study. Today however was the first day back for his boyfriend so he was waiting (im)patiently for him to finally arrive.

Other students, who were walking by, glanced at him weirdly when he started jumping up and down at the gate in hopes of looking farther down the road. He uncharacteristically didn’t care though, as finally seeing Woohyun again was the only thing on his mind.

With just a couple of minutes to spare until the first class of the day, a sleek black car pulled up. Howon watched a middle-aged man in a dark suit hurry out of the car and open the door to the backseat to reveal Woohyun.   
His poor boyfriend had his right knee in a the weird construct he’d already seen on him the night after the operation. Woohyun looked annoyed as he tried to get his backpack on without letting his crutches fall or find himself on the ground.

Seeing this, Howon hurried over to help him, but he was too late. Myungsoo seemingly came out of nowhere to wrap one around Woohyun and took the others with the other, all while having a bright smile on his face. _So much for greeting him like a romantic boyfriend._

He walked over to the two with a small smile on his face. They looked up at him (or in Myungsoo’s case still down on him) at the same time so he did an awkward little wave. Ever since Woohyun had gotten the news, he’d been so distant and quiet that Howon wasn’t quite sure how to act around him anymore. Did he need space? Then again, he seemed to lean on their younger friend quite comfortably right now and it bothered him. HE was supposed to be the one helping Woohyun right now.

“You okay, Howon hyung?”

The concerned voice of Myungsoo pulled him out of his thoughts and his angry scowl at the hand on Woohyun’s waist turned startled. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.

“Sure, it’s just been a long night. Do you want me to take over?”

Of course he meant Woohyun, but instead a heavy bag got thrusted into his arms. Howon staggered back under the sudden weight, too startled to even say anything as Myungsoo and Woohyun made their way past him.

He hurried after them and subtly reached out to touch Woohyun’s back, but he felt his boyfriend pick up his pace suddenly. Before he could even properly think about what just happened – actually, ever since he first laid eyes on Woohyun today – his boyfriend threw a cheeky smile back at him.

“Hurry up, Howon, we’re gonna be late.”

\----

Howon sighed into his hot chocolate for the nth time that evening. He didn’t even like the sugary drink that much, but Woohyun was obsessed with it and whenever they visited this café he’d order it; which was why Howon had ordered it in his stead when he and Sunggyu had sat down 20 minutes ago. He was about to sigh once again, but was interrupted by an exasperated grunt and hands dragging the cup with his hot – or more like lukewarm now – chocolate away.

“Is this about Woohyun?” Sunggyu asked in an annoyed tone.

It wasn’t a secret that his childhood best friend wasn’t a fan of his boyfriend. At the beginning Howon had tried to make them befriend each other and Woohyun, bless his big heart, had tried so hard to make it work. Even going so far as to get Sunggyu an autograph by his favourite bass player, but the older remained unimpressed and claimed that it wasn’t inpressive since Woohyun was able to afford VIP tickets. He kept telling Howon that his “little fascination”, as he liked to call Woohyun, was childish and naïve. It had actually hurt both him and his boyfriend for quite some time, but he’d just accepted that this was Sunggyu and if he didn’t want to, he’d never see the light.

Normally he didn’t even necessarily go to Sunggyu with his problems anymore, since the other was so busy with university anyway, but rather told Woohyun right away. This was about Woohyun though and anyway, he doubted the other would cuddle all his problems away right now. So of course he’d called his best friend.

With one last sigh he finally lifted his eyes to look up at his friend. He just mumbled a quiet “yeah” though.

Sunggyu rolled his eyes as he realized that Howon would probably not explain further without any prompt from him.   
“Is his knee doing worse?” When Howon still didn’t mutter a word, he snorted. “Don’t tell me the whimp is making you carry all his stuff around at school.”

“I wish”, Howon muttered. Sunggyu raised his eyebrows at that and maybe it really was time to tell him why he needed someone to talk to.

“That would require him letting me touch him. Which he doesn’t. The only one allowed to is apparently Myungsoo.” He had never spat the name of his friend so bitterly, but two weeks of having to see _his_ boyfriend hang off of him and Myungsoo falling over his feet to kiss the damn ground the other was walking on had him on edge. Usually this kind of behaviour didn’t bother him. He was more than sure of their feelings for each other and knew that Myungsoo and Woohyun both just thrived off physical contact. He even welcomed Soo being like this, because it eased his guilty conscience for maybe not showing Woohyun enough love. That was when Woohyun had still liked his hugs and kisses and basically every form of physical contact with him the most though, but ever since the accident he had barely touched the other at all.

Sunggyu seemed confused as well. “Are you sure you are talking about the person that basically gropes you in public?”

“He doesn’t grope me! All he does is hug me and stuff...”

If you had told Howon three weeks ago that his Nam Woohyun would barely talk to him, let alone touch him, he would have laughed in your face, but this was reality and he hated it.

“I just,” he started quietly. Howon looked around the café quickly, but nobody seemed to pay any attention to them so he settled his gaze back on Sunggyu. “I just don’t understand why he barely speaks to me, but is all over Myungsoo. They have always been touchy, but not to this extent. I talked to Kibum and he said that Woohyun barely even talks to him. The only one he tells anything is Soo.”

Jealousy flared up in him again when he thought about how just yesterday he’d tried to subtly rub Woohyun’s thigh under the table, but his boyfriend had smoothly shuffled closer to Myungsoo instead, who’d opened his arms to envelope Woohyun in a hug like it was second nature.

“Last week he nearly fell down the stairs, because he was trying to catch up with Myungsoo instead of walking with me.”

It was silent for some time in which Howon just helplessly looked at the blank face of his oldest friend. Finally, Sunggyu took a deep breath.

“Don’t get mad now, but you should just take this chance to let the ship sink by itself.”

Howon didn’t even know what to say, he just vaguely felt like someone had punched him in the face. He just kept blinking at Sunggyu, who rolled his eyes again, the cautiousness apparently left behind.

“You know that this is probably just some phase. You’re impressionable and that kid barely left you alone so you gave in. I was actually getting kinda worried, because this went on for so long, but he obviously found someone else to bother so now you can go back to normal, right?” Sunggyu finished with a satisfied smile.

For a good minute Howon just started at him. The happy smile and the words he had just heard just wouldn’t connect in his head. How could his _best_ friend say that to his face with a grin?! So all along, he hadn’t (only) had a problem with Woohyun being Woohyun, but with Woohyun being his boyfriend.

Howon waited, and waited, and waited for Sunggyu to yell “I’m joking!”. It would be a horrible joke, but far better than this. However Sunggyu never let go of that damn smile. All he did was go back to sipping on his coffee. His own hands started to tremble and if he wasn’t all cried out because of Woohyun already, he might have even shed a tear or two right then and there. This was it… he was really losing his best friend while he was in the midst of losing the love of his life.

In his head he saw himself yell at Sunggyu that he hoped his homophobia was just a phase. He saw himself calmly discussing this with the other. Then he saw himself throw a punch right into the other’s face. For a split second that imagery was satisfying and had he not been so emotionally drained, he might have even smiled at I, but the horror of his imagined use of violence soon had him disgusted at himself. He wouldn’t stoop so low. Not when he looked into Sunggyu’s eyes and saw nothing but relief and happiness.

He calmly picked up his hot chocolate, considering it for a while, before emptying the cup right over Sunggyu’s head.

The other jumped out of his chair with a squeak, looking at his dirty (formerly) white sweater in disbelief before looking up at Howon like he had grown another two heads.   
“What the fuck, Howon?!”

Howon shrugged his shoulders. “Sorry, just wanted to make it easier for you to leave the ‘sinking ship’ that is your bi best friend. Or… Ex best friend. Have a shitty life, fucker.”

And with that he left. He wished he could have said it felt freeing and good, but actually… he felt empty when Sunggyu didn’t even try to stop him.

\----

Lunch was nearly over, but there was still no sign of Woohyun. Howon restlessly poked at his food with his chopsticks in between scanning the cafeteria for the familiar mop of black hair. The later it got, the more nervous he got, which resulted in him fidgeting in his seat with a frown on his face just a bit too much.

A hand reached over to secure him to the bench with a firm grip. Startled, he looked up at Kibum’s face. The other raised his eyebrows at him in question, but he didn’t want to admit that he had no idea where his boyfriend was. Kibum seemed to understand though, as he loosened the nearly painful grip he had on Howon’s thigh.

“Did you forget that he has a check-up? Myungsoo says he’s been in more pain for a couple of days so he took him to the hospital.”

“He what?!”

Why didn’t anyone tell him about this sooner?! Why didn’t Woohyun? Granted, the other barely talked to him at all, but he figured he’d at least tell him about important things like this. _You thought wrong, idiot_ , he bitterly heard a voice that an awful lot like Sunggyu scold him in his mind.

It was nearly ridiculous how worried he got over the tiniest tremble in Woohyun’s leg and the slightest bit of pain the older was in, but Howon couldn’t help it. He kept fearing his knee would get worse and Woohyun would somehow end up not being able to walk at all.

He stared packing his things in a frenzy, pushing his barely touched food away for Dongwoo to eat. He had to get to the hospital and be there on time for once, if they had bad news for Woohyun. “That idiot should have told me. I would have driven him there.”, he grumpily mumbled to himself. Granted, he could have only given him a ride on his bike, but still.

“Hey”, Kibum stopped him with a grip on Howon’s sleeve, “he probably just didn’t want you to miss class. Woohyun knows how important your grades are to you.” His friend looked up at him with a reassuring smile, but Howon couldn’t help but shrug him off.

“He should know they’ve never been more important than him.”

With that he finally shouldered his bag and sprinted out of the cafeteria with a last glance at the clock, knowing he’d miss physics.

Luckily, he just so managed to catch the bus to the hospital, which would take him far less time (and sweat). On his way, he kept trying to call Woohyun, but the other never answered. He drummed his fingers on the back of his phone, willing the bus to go faster.

Ten minutes later he finally arrived at the hospital. He had no idea, whether Woohyun would also have check-ups in that private room of his so he decided to ask. Telling people he was Woohyun’s brother, who had been supposed to bring the other to his appointment, but had forgotten all about it. With a charming, but embarrassed smile he finally got the room number. Shouting a “thank you” over his shoulders, Howon didn’t even bother with bowing in his hurry to get to room 208.

Howon was about to burst right in, but the sound of a familiar voice made him stop in his tracks. Myungsoo was still there, his voice however didn’t sound like him at all. Usually his younger friend either talked very softly, or there was nothing but excitement. Now though he sounded distressed and nervous. Did Woohyun’s injury really take a turn for the worse?

The door was open just a tiny bit and Howon quickly shuffled over to peek inside. Woohyun was sitting on a hospital bed with his bad leg propped up on it. He looked up at a pacing Myungsoo. Howon frowned at the scene. He knew he should probably make his presence known by knocking before stepping inside, but something held him back. Howon had been trying to figure out what was going on with Woohyun and him and Myungsoo in particular for a while now. This was his chance to finally get answers so he made sure he was hidden behind the door to watch the scene unfold.

He saw Myungsoo crouch down in front of Woohyun and look at his injured knee. “Are you sure you want to do this?”, he whispered. When Woohyun stubbornly huffed, Howon heard a sigh leave the youngest’s lips. “Woohyunie-hyung, the doctor said you’re gonna have to use a wheelchair for a week. And that’s only from a bit of training. It’s only going to get worse!”, he pleaded.

_Training? What training, he can barely walk without his crutches!_  Howon had no idea what they were even talking about, but he was starting to slowly figure it out.

When he looked back up again, Woohyun was holding Myungsoo’s hand with a pleading gaze. “Soo, please! I promise to use the wheelchair and only train stamina and other things without putting any pressure on my knee.” Myungsoo still didn’t look convinced so Woohyun continued: “This is my only chance to play. You know it’s my whole future on the line.”

“But you need to be healthy for your future.” Howon barely understood the youngest’s mumbles, but he wholeheartedly agreed with them to the point he even unconsciously nodded his head.

When Woohyun pulled Myungsoo next to him on the bed the empathy he had for the younger vanished quickly. As soon as he saw the tears in his boyfriend’s eyes he didn’t care at all anymore however. All he wanted to come out of hiding to hug him close, but the older’s next words froze him to his place.

“You already have the papers, you just need to make your uncle sign them somehow. The scout said the school was devastated about my accident. They just need a doctor to assure them I’m good to go pro after a bit of rehabilitation and physiotherapy. We’re nearly there!”

_No. He can’t go pro, he might not even be able to actually play soccer again at all. What is he even thinking?!_

To his agony, Myungsoo finally nodded before pulling Woohyun into his embrace, nuzzling his face into the other’s shoulder. “Okay, my uncle is coming over to help my mum with some tax thing, I can probably make him sign without noticing what he’s doing. Just… promise me to stop training for a while, okay? And if it gets too bad, we need to tell someone.” He saw Woohyun nod, but Howon had had enough.

He pushed the door open with so much force that it banged against the wall, successfully startling the two on the bed. God, they looked caught red-handed. His last bits of hope that maybe this was all just a misunderstanding crumbled just how Myungsoo did under his gaze.

“What the hell is going on here?!” he ground out through clenched teeth.

Myungsoo shuffled out of the room with an “I’m gonna leave you two alone to talk now” and a last apologetic look at Howon, leaving the couple in the most tense silence they’d ever experienced with each other.

Howon looked up at Woohyun, who had pushed himself into a standing position by now and was looking at him with apprehension. “Well? Care to explain what the hell is going on?”

He didn’t get an immediate answer, but he would not succumb to begging for his boyfriend to tell him. Instead he crossed his arms over his chest with raised brows, simply waiting. After a few moments, the staring match finally came to an end with Woohyun looking at his feet as he crossed his arms as well.

“Judging from the way you barged in here you already know anyway.”, he mumbled, but Howon caught the words. And they hurt. He didn’t know what he’d expected coming in here, maybe for Woohyun to finally open up and go back to being cuddly and happy.

Deciding to not also just be stubborn, he unfolded his arms as he took a couple of steps towards the older. “How about you tell me everything from the beginning then? Because right now… I’m a bit lost.”

Woohyun raised his head at that to scrutinize him and Howon tried his best to look as trustworthy as possible. After a barely there nod his boyfriend began in a low voice: “There’ not much to tell really…” Howon just had to cough once for him to continue though.

“After that accident I didn’t really know what to do with myself, didn’t know if I even wanted to do anything anymore, because what if that would also get taken away from me? One day Myungie came here and I guess he couldn’t stand my moping anymore and asked what would make me happy. I said soccer. And he promised to give me just that if it was really what would make me happy.”

Howon’s heart ached at how distant Woohyun’s voice sounded throughout all this. Like this wasn’t something that had and was still happening to him, but something he’d seen happen to a perfect stranger. He was just about to reach out to take his hand when Woohyun continued his story.

“Apparently his uncle is a doctor, who specializes in knee injuries. The original plan was for him to find some way to fix me, but that didn’t work out.” He almost spat the last part out, like some bitter medicine he’d been forced to take.

“Soo had already promised me, so I made a new plan. I think if I play my cards well, I’m gonna be able to play professionally for a few years. There’s pain killers and ice spray and stuff, nobody has to know. A scout from the school actually came here a day after the accident and he said that if I got the green light from a doctor, they’d happily take me. So Myungsoo and I forged some things and I started training a bit again. All we need is the signature of Myungsoo’s uncle, but he’s going to take care of that.”

If he had not felt like crying before, he definitely did now. He didn’t know what was sadder: Woohyun loving soccer this much when he could never play the way he wanted to again or him not even caring an ounce about his health. Or maybe how he had completely shut him out.

With tears in his eyes he finally reached out with trembling fingers to cling onto Woohyun’s waist. The other, however, still wouldn’t look at him, keeping his guard up. Howon had no idea what he’d done to make Woohyun go from telling him everything to completely shutting him out, but he had to win that trust back somehow to get some sense into his boyfriend.

Softly, he started stroking his boyfriend’s waist while his other hand went up to his cheek to make him look at him. It took a few tries, but eventually their eyes met. Woohyun had his brows furrowed as if that would guard his eyes from showing his feelings. With a soft smile Howon thumbed over them so they’d settle back.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked quietly in order not to startle the other.

Woohyun tried to look back down, but Howon’s hand under his chin prevented him from hiding again. “I knew you would never help me with this.”

“Because this is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”, he couldn’t help but scoff.

Woohyun immediately freed himself by taking a staggering step backwards, his walls back up and guarded. Howon cursed his loose mouth in his mind. He should have stayed calm, cuddled him a bit until the other was ready to hear the truth.

He tried to close the distance again, but Woohyun just stumbled back another step and _fuck_ , he couldn’t have him walking and injuring himself even further.

“What I mean is”, he started gently, “is that this training is not working. Or else you wouldn’t be in here again.”

Woohyun just rolled his eyes. “This is exactly why. I knew you would just worry about everything too much and fuck it up.”

Suddenly, a thought crossed the younger’s mind. “Wait… were you going to tell me at all or were you going to lie to me as well and say you got healed miraculously?”

The answer he didn’t get and the way Woohyun shrunk in on himself just the littlest bit told him everything he needed to know. It felt like the other had just slapped him in the face. Woohyun had never lied to him, _never_. He manipulated the truth and twisted words until they were on the edge of being lies, but not quite so often, but never with him. Until now.

“You were going to lie to me.”, he whispered hoarsely.

Woohyun looked up at him with so much guilt and hurt in his eyes, even started to move towards him. “Howonie, I had to...” His voice barely a whisper, begging him to understand. And in a way, Howon did. He really did, because this was Woohyun’s dream, but he couldn’t understand how he could have even thought of betraying him like this.

“Is soccer really so much more important than your health? Than me? Than us?” He whispered, because he knew it was either that or screaming and yelling until he broke down completely. He had to angrily wipe away a stray tear already and he wasn’t keen on just breaking down crying.

Woohyun lowered his hand down – it hurt, hurt, hurt, because Howon knew that the Woohyun he knew would have already cradled him in his arms, shushing him before a single tear could even think of spilling – and glowered at him angrily.

“You can’t judge me when you haven’t lost anything!”

Howon didn’t even know what to answer, because in a way it already felt like he’d lost Woohyun so what more was there to lose?

“You’re gonna be in Seoul, study to be a lawyer, get everything you want. What do you expect me to do while you’re out there living your dream, huh?”

“I want you to do something that makes you happy without it making you possibly end up in a wheelchair! Sue me for caring about your health!”

“My health?! Let’s stop pretending this is what this is about.”

Howon just looked at him puzzled. What else would this ever be about? Woohyun let out a condescending laugh. “You never wanted me to leave in the first place. That accident made you happy, if even just a little bit. Admit it.”

He would have laughed at the absurdity of the statement if the look on his boyfriend’s didn’t tell him how serious he was about this. Like this, he just kept shaking his head in both disbelieve and no.

“Of course I wanted us to live together, we’ve been talking about that for years, but how can you for even one second think I’d wish you any harm? I know this is your dream, I never wanted you to lose it.” His voice was nothing but a pained whisper again. Their short screaming match had him too exhausted to even be properly offended anymore. All he felt was despair.

Woohyun’s demeanor softened as well. With a pleading look he pulled the other closer by his waist to lean their foreheads against each other. For just a moment, Howon let him close his eyes and enjoyed the moment of peace. This was the Woohyun he knew and loved so maybe it was not too late to bring him back.

After a couple of minutes, the older pulled back to look at Howon pleadingly. “Then don’t make me lose it. It’s not too late. Soo is going to get that signature tonight and I will rest my knee for a few days. This can all still work out.”

God, he wished it really was that easy. It wasn’t though, which made Howon shake his head lightly. “You can never play professionally, Woohyunie. Maybe you’d get through one game, maybe even two before your knee gets completely ruined. It’s not worth it.”

He had raised his hand to gently brush Woohyun’s cheek, but the other harshly pulled back at his words and if that fleeting moment just now never existed and his boyfriend’s hand was about to burn him. “This is my decision, my life.”, he growled, “You can’t do anything about it.”

Fuck, how he wished he didn’t have to do this, but it seemed like there was no talking sense into Woohyun. He shook his head with a sad smile. “I can, and I will, if I have to. If you don’t stop this, I’m going to tell Myungsoo’s uncle and the school. Don’t make me do this.”

Now it was Woohyun’s turn to look up at him in betrayal. Howon knew this must hurt him, but what else was he supposed to do? He couldn’t let him run head first into his own doom.

Woohyun was still shaking his head as if that would make what he’d heard less true. Wanting nothing more than to comfort his boyfriend, Howon gently lay a hand on his shoulder. However, this seemingly got Woohyun out of his daze as he slapped Howon’s hand away.

Howon looked at him in shock. Never had Woohyun ever slapped his hands away.

“Leave.”

_What?_ Howon just shook his hand, as he tried to touch Woohyun (again), just to be pushed away (again). “You heard me, I don’t need a boyfriend, who doesn’t support me when I am at my lowest.”

“But I am! I AM trying to help you!”, Howon desperately shouted at him, but it was too late. Woohyun grabbed something from his jean pocket and threw it at his face. He just so managed to catch it, right before it his him in the eye.

It was the little puppy keychain he’d given to Woohyun at the fatal match. He clenched his fist around it, bringing the little thing up to his chest. “Woohyunie, please, I’m just…”

“OUT!”

He flinched at the increase of volume and aggression. Woohyun looked positively livid with his face painted red, but there were tears glimmering in his eyes. God, how Howon wished to kiss them away. His attempt to get close one last time earned him a push towards the door though.

“Leave! And don’t you dare ever talk to me again!”, Woohyun hissed.

Not knowing what to do with himself, with Woohyun or anything at all, Howon turned around on his heel to spring out of the room. He wouldn’t be able to stand being pushed or slapped away even once more.

\----

Two weeks later and Howon was still a wreck. He had tried multiple times to call Woohyun, but by now he suspected the other had his number blocked. When he went to his home, nobody ever answered the door. It was Woohyun wasn’t even living here anymore, like he never had in the first place and it slowly began to scare Howon.

He supposed he could have asked Myungsoo about Woohyun’s whereabouts, but ever since the hospital he refused to talk to the other. At least he had the decency to look at him guiltily whenever they crossed paths, which they didn’t do often anymore anyways. Howon had distanced himself from his friends more and more, instead burying himself in school work in a desperate attempt to forget about Woohyun. The others seemed to understand that something had happened and though Sungjong had tried several times to coax him into at least sitting with them during lunch, he’d declined every advance. It would only remind him of who was missing from the table.

It was Monday and, once again, he nervously fiddled with the straps of his backpack while waiting for the dark car of the Nams to turn up. Maybe it was slightly pathetic, but even if Woohyun wouldn’t talk to him, he hoped to at least steal a glance at him to assure himself he was alright.

He was so focused on the road that the sudden hand on his shoulder had him jumping slightly before he turned around. “Jonghyun!”

The sheepish grin of his, or more Woohyun’s really, friend greeted him. “Hi, Howon. What are you still doing out here? Class is about to start.”

“Waiting for Woohyun.”, he replied snippily. He didn’t know why he felt so defensive, but he couldn’t help the slightly cold tone he’d never used on the older before.

At his words Jonghyun’s eyes widened. Howon furrowed his brows. Why was this so surprising? Did he know they’d broken up? The way the black haired teen was shifting his gaze around as if to look for an escape route made him doubt that it was something quite that simple.

Finally Jonghyun settled his eyes on him again. “So nobody told you?” His voice was akin to a hushed whisper, like he was telling some sort of secret.

Had Woohyun’s condition worsened? Did something more happen? Did they find out that maybe it wasn’t just his knee, but he also injured some organs?! Howon quickly bored his fingers into Jonghyun’s arm. “Told me what? What happened to Woohyun?”

It looked like the other would once again take his sweet time answering, but Howon had no time for this. He started shaking Jonghyun’s arm desperately. “Tell me!”

Jonghyun took a last long breath. “He’s gone.”

“Gone? What do you mean _gone_?! Gone where?!” Howon was frantic at this point, as worst case scenarios popped up in his head in record time.

“Uhm gone as in he’s not coming back to school.” When Howon didn’t say anything, Jonghyun seemingly took that as his cue to explain further. “Apparently he refused to come back to school, something about his leg hurting too much to run around here all day. So his parents decided to let him be home-schooled until graduation. He can take finals at some public institute. And since his parents are mostly in Seoul anyway they…” He looked up at him sadly again. “They moved to Seoul a week or two ago. They claim there’s better tutors there anyway. And he can go to university there. In a way, he just moved there a bit sooner than planned.”

Howon just stared at him mutely. His brain didn’t even seem to process all the pieces of information. All that kept repeating inside his head was _He’s gone_. Woohyun wasn’t coming back. He hadn’t even given him a chance to say goodbye.

He didn’t even feel Jonghyun touch his arm worriedly. “Howon? Are you okay? You look pretty pale.”

Howon nodded robotically. “I’m fine. I just… need to get to physics.” With that he stiffly turned around and walked into the school complex without another word.

\----

END PART I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhm hi , i'm still alive. i'm sorry for not updating, but i started uni, which was far more stressful than i thought it would be and i dreaded writing this chapter, bc i knew what i would have to do to them :( it's twice as long as the usual chapters though so pls forgive me!  
> thanks to azar, as always, for reading this and this was supposed to be uploaded on alix's birthday. but i failed, but happy belated birthday!  
> sorry for rambling and thank you for reading


	5. Happen Ending

**_3 years later_ **

Rain beat so heavily against the hood of his huge black raincoat he could barely catch the music coming through the cheap earphones. It wasn’t like he was concentrating on it anyway what with the way he was trying to manouver through the mass of people all trying to flee from the weather. While that was certainly a concern, since he didn’t want to catch a cold, getting to the law-firm on time on his first time worried Howon much more.

Lee & Shin only accepted one university student a year to intern for them and he still couldn’t believe they had picked him out of all the applicants. Granted, he was always among the top five students in S universities ever since he started there, but he hadn’t been able to intern a lot due do always having to study and work in order to keep his spot and scholarship. However, this internship could be the turning point. If everything went according to plan, Howon would graduate that year and he’d heard a lot of interns at Lee & Shin got job offers from the firm itself or another good one if they did a good job. He would never make a good impression if this damn light didn’t turn green anytime soon, he was running late as it was.

Just when he was about to just make a run for it in hopes of drivers being vigilant, his music was interrupted by an incessant ringing. _To ignore or not to ignore?_ Finally, he decided to take the call quickly just in case it was his new boss telling him to already get some coffee on the way.

“Howonie! Did you remember to eat breakfast this morning? And did I leave my Nerf Gun at your place again?”

Yeah, definitely not his new boss.

“Dongwoo, I’m on my way to work, I will call you when I’m on my lunch break.”, he sighed. Howon knew his friend meant well, but he honestly had no time for his nonsense right now.

Just as he was about to hang up, Dongwoo blurted out “Jiwon came by!”. For a couple seconds Hoya stopped dead in his tracks. When he got over the initial shock, he hummed so Dongwoo knew he was listening. “Uh she said she kinda deleted your number so she couldn’t contact you…”, the older mumbled sheepishly. “She dropped the last of your stuff at my place so uhm… if you wanna pick that up after work or something? Or I could bring it to you later?”

Jiwon deleting his number shouldn’t have come as a surprise for him, but it had. Their relationship definitely hadn’t ended on a good note, Howon knew he had hurt her, but they had had a good start…

\----

**_5 months ago_ **

He hated parties. He really, really hated them. The music was so loud he could barely understand anything, the light kept flashing and at least 80% of the people surrounding him were drunk. And if he knew one thing it was that drunk people were unpredictable. Who the hell knew what would set them off?! Even if he was on his best behaviour, he could still make acquaintance with a stranger’s fist suddenly. Where was the appeal?

It wasn’t like he hated everyone who drank, because – let’s be honest – then he would get to be friends with 5 people from his year. Back during High School he did occasionally hang out with his friends while they got drunk whenever Sunggyu was nice enough to get him some soju, but they never went to clubs. Partly because he studied most night anyway and partly because Woohyun knew… but it wasn’t time to think about that now!

_You’re here to have fun for once! No classes for a whole week, no test to study for! You promised Dongwoo you would start acting like a real uni student._ So with a sigh he made his way over to the bar to get at least a coke into him in hopes of the sugar making him relax. Howon probably should have just turned right back around when Sungyeol had told him that he wasn’t going to make it in time and would instead be there an hour later, but the little – more like annoyingly tall – devil had nagged until he’d agreed to go there right away.

He gulped the drink down in a few gulps, slid it back to the barkeeper to finally make his way towards the dance floor. Ever since he’d started studying, he hadn’t had much time for anything really so he’d stopped dancing a pretty much right after graduation. Howon did, however, still enjoy watching others. If he were a more sociable person, maybe he would just go up to people to try and give them some tips on what they could improve on. Then again, things like that only worked for certain people with sunshine smiles. Lee Howon was definitely not one of them.

So he simply watched one guy after another try his luck in the middle of this little dance circle. Most of them were horrible, but that was probably because half of them seemed drunk as shit. Just when he was about to get another drink and call Sungyeol up to ask him when he was going to get his non-existent butt over, a girl walked up. Intrigued, as this was the first girl to try her luck in the “dance battle” that night, he decided to stay.

The girl might look plain to most people at first with her medium-length black hair and slightly tan skin, but as soon as she started moving to the music, Howon was unable to take his eyes off of her. Her moves weren’t especially difficult or something he had never seen, but she seemed to just merge with it to the point where she just became music. The song was some poppy girl group number he usually wasn’t into, but the way she sang along, moved along, grinned with a barely noticeable dimple showing made him sing along under his breath.

All too soon, the song stopped, the girl bowing out of the circle with a light blush on her cheeks. For a couple of seconds he stayed in a trance-like state until someone bumped into him, which thankfully snapped him out of it just in time to see the girl vanish.

Howon hurriedly pushed through the crowd, not caring about whether it would provoke them for once. He had to know her name, he had to see her dance again. _Where the hell has she disappeared to?!_ Someone bumped into him again, making him stumble sideways. “Sorry”, he mumbled, about to turn around when he glanced up. It was her. Howon quickly dropped into a polite bow, which he regretted and patted himself on the back for as soon as he heard her giggle. A hand on his shoulder pushed him back up.

“No need to be so formal with me.”, she assured with a huge smile on her face.

“I saw you dance earlier you were…”, he didn’t know how to describe it without sounding like some obsessive loser so he lamely ended with “…amazing.” Now would be a good time for a hole to open up and swallow him.

Her face lit up, her cheeks making her eyes nearly disappear. “Thank you so much! I’m Jiwon by the way.”

She held her little hand out to him, which he eyed before shaking it awkwardly with a simple “Howon.”

\----

**_3 months ago_ **

The sun shone on Howon’s face while he lazed on the sofa with Jiwon’s head in his lap, occasionally playing with her hair. It was a lazy afternoon in September with Chuseok right around the corner, meaning 3 days of food and relaxation. His professors all swore they wouldn’t give them any assignments over the holidays so he was – albeit cautiously – excited to just spent a couple of days doing nothing. Dongwoo and Sungyeol would go back home, asking him to come with them so they could reunite with Sungjong and Myungsoo, but he was more than over that damn town.

When he tried to stifle yet another yawn, Jiwon sat up next to him, stretching her body with a low groan. He raised his brows at her in question as she stood up from their comfortable position. If he was being honest, he thought they’d just do nothing all day today.

“Are you going to get some food?”, he mumbled, because why else would she move when they’d been so close to finally napping. She didn’t answer so he slowly righted his posture a bit, taking her hand so she would turn around to him.

Jiwon reluctantly turned towards him at his tug at her hand, but she kept avoiding his eyes. He had no idea what was going one, just a couple of minutes ago everything had been fine.

“Jiwon?” Still no answer. “Jiwon, is everything okay?”

With a sigh, she finally looked up at him with a shy smile that was unlike her. “It’s fine I was just thinking about Chuseok…”

_Ah…_ She had told him a few days ago that her parents were on vacation so she wouldn’t be able to go home. From what he had seen, Howon assumed that his girlfriend was very close to her family, often complaining about being an only child since she would have liked a companion growing up.

“Are you still upset about your parents?”, he tried silently. “Hey, we can do anything you want the whole 3 days, okay? We’re going to make this great anyway.”

She shook her head no. “It’s okay, I can video-chat with them and then celebrate Chuseok late it’s just…”

“Just what?”

“Just…”

“Spit it out already!”

“Why can’t we go see your parents together?”

Howon stared at her now that she finally looked him in the eyes. For a few seconds he was frozen, fighting not to let the bad memories take over. As abruptly as he’d been locked inside his mind, he got out again.

With a sheepish smile he shrugged his shoulders. “I am not going home though…”

A less forward person probably would have left it at that, but that wasn’t Jiwon. She furrowed her brows, sitting down next to him. “And you’re not going because…?”

“Because we’re going to spend time together here in Seoul.”

“But if you just take me with you, we can spend it together and with family at the same time. It’s a win-win!” To emphasize her point, Jiwon even tried something akin to jazz hands.

Howon snorted and took hold of her hands before she could get up to more shenanigans. “That’s sounds nice when you say it like that, but trust me, it wouldn’t be fun at all.”

Jiwon made a move to free her hands, but then decidedly held on tighter as she looked him in his eyes. “Is it because you are ashamed of me or is it something else you don’t want to tell me about yet?”

“It’s not you! I would never be ashamed of you!”, Howon sputtered. Desperately, he shuffled closer to lean into her more.

She searched his eyes for a moment, but when she didn’t find any trace of a lie in them, a small smile brightened her face again.

“We’ll spend Chuseok here together then and be each other’s family.”

A certain kind of fondness took hold of him then. Howon hadn’t told her about his family and honestly speaking, he didn’t think he ever would. It wasn’t like he didn’t trust her, he did – well, as much as he allowed himself to trust someone – but it was simply his past. Why should he taint something good with ghosts of the past? It wouldn’t benefit him or her or their relationship in any way. And Jiwon understood. She was a nosy person so he knew this must be hard for her, but she knew he wasn’t ready to talk about it so she accepted it without protest.

The only thing that kept nagging him in the back of his mind was that little “yet”. Howon knew that eventually she wouldn’t take silence for an answer anymore just as he knew answering wasn’t an option for him.

He quickly shook his head. That was a thing of the future, they’d worry about it when it came to that. And who knows maybe it never would.

\----

**_1 month ago_ **

It was a regular evening of watching some TV for the couple, though it was already pretty late since Howon had had to study and finish a presentation until 10. However, it just so happened that they were in time for the soccer match to start now.

Excitedly, he grabbed the remote to turn it on to see it had just started. Jiwon was currently in her kitchen ordering pizza for him. They’d noticed that they’d never eaten pizza together, which was sort of weird since they’d known each other for 4 months already. Then again they didn’t get to see each other every week, because Howon was so busy studying and Jiwon worked a lot at a café to pay for her dance lessons.

When his girlfriend stepped into the room and saw the TV she groaned. “Turn that off, Barcelona makes me sick.”

He stared at her offended. “Excuse me?” he squeaked as he stood up. He didn’t even know why he was apparently squaring up against his girlfriend, but _how could she?!_

Jiwon just scoffed with a raised brow. “Don’t tell me you prefer this over Madrid. The only reason they are still relevant is because people worship Messi.”

Now don’t get Howon wrong, he was a peaceful person that respected the fact everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but her opinion, in this case, was bullshit.   
Flabbergasted, he opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. How was he supposed to even begin to explain to her how wrong she was?

He pointed an accusing finger at her. “That’s what people who only watch to ogle at Ronaldo say!”

She gasped. “Ogle?! I watch for the sport! Something you can’t say for yourself since _your_ team never shows any grace on the field.”

He let himself fall back on the couch, crossing him arms and snorting at her obvious lies. “You know what? You obviously have no idea what you are even talking about so let’s just drop this before somebody’s feelings get hurt.”

Jiwon did reluctantly take a seat next to him, but she couldn’t hold herself from mumbling “Apparently they already did.” under her breath.

Things stayed quite chilly after that even though Running Man did manage to tickle a few laughs out of them, which made it a bit less awkward. Howon jumped at the chance to get away, however, when the doorbell rang. “Probably the food, I’ll go get it.”

He quickly paid the delivery guy, tipping him as much as a struggling uni student could afford to tip, and returned with the two delicious smelling boxes. He handed Jiwon her box, sitting down with his own piece of cheesy margherita heaven – yes, he was boring.

When he looked over he saw his girlfriend already munching on her some kind of shrimp pizza. He didn’t know why, but he’d somehow been so sure she’d order pineapple pizza and for some inexplicable reason the fact she didn’t rubbed him the wrong way. Was she one of these people who hated pineapple on pizza? He’d been one of them as well when he was younger, but it changed during high school. Even though he wouldn’t really call himself a fan either. Why am I even getting annoyed about her choice of pizza toppings?! Maybe I really should try to get more sleep…

They mostly ate in silence, commenting on a couple of things happening on the show and all in all, the atmosphere turned lighter again. It was just that for some reason Howon kept being annoyed for some reason, though he tried to blend it out.

It was a half an hour later that everything turned to shit.

He noticed Jiwon hadn’t eaten the crust of her pizza so he excitedly reached over, trying to snatch a piece, but was intercepted by a slap on his hand. Howon quickly looked up in confusion. “Why did you hit me?”

“Uh”, she looked at him like he was stupid, “because you were trying to steal my food?”

“But you don’t like the crust!”

“I never said I don’t like it…”

“You left it though.”

“Yeah, because it’s my favourite part. I was saving the best for last.”

It took him a couple seconds, but then he understood. He understood all the damn problems he had with her tonight, all the times he got annoyed at Jiwon for being herself. It was because she was being _herself_. And not the one he still unconsciously wanted. She wasn’t Woohyun.

How had he not noticed that most of the things, except the outstanding dancing of course, that first attracted him to Jiwon were things he’d liked about Woohyun. Her dimples, her big smile, her tiny chubby hands, the way she could strike up a conversation so easily with literally everyone. He felt the most for her whenever she giggled or shovelled food into her mouth like a pig, things that made butterflies erupt in his stomach whenever Woohyun had done them.

Of course she wasn’t him. He knew she wasn’t him. Woohyun danced like a drunk uncle at a wedding whenever he tried to freestyle whereas Jiwon was her most beautiful just dancing to the music. And while Woohyun was a social butterfly, he avoided any sort of conflict like the plague while Jiwon spoke her mind in every situation, the consequences be damned.

Apparently her not being him was the problem though; because all the times he got annoyed that night she did something so un-Woohyun. His ex had been the biggest Barcelona fan, making Howon watch every single game even if he had an important exam the next day.   
And he loved pineapple on his pizza. Before they’d started dating Howon had hated it, found it unnatural and disgusting, but Woohyun kept feeding it to him and after every bite he gave him a kiss, claiming that it would condition him into “seeing the truth”. He’d always laughed about it, but it had worked in a way. Whenever people claimed their disgust about the dish, he got unnecessarily offended when it wasn’t even his favourite topping. It was just Woohyun’s and the older had – stupidly – gotten hurt about someone calling him a freak for liking it once. Naturally, Howon had given the douche, which happened to be Kibum, a piece of his mind.   
Lastly the stupid crust. Unless it was stuffed with cheese, Woohyun had always refused to eat it since it was “too hard and boring” to eat, giving it to him instead. When he’d seen Jiwon leave it, he’d just assumed it was once again his job to eat the leftovers.

But those weren’t her leftovers and pineapple wasn’t her favourite pizza topping and she hated FC Barcelona.

“Howon?”, her gentle voice yanked him out of his inner turmoil. “Did I hit you too hard? Does your hand hurt?” Jiwon reached over to take the hand she’d previously slapped to her lips, blowing on the back of it and giving it a little kiss.

She smiled at him, her eyes crinkling and dimples showing and he knew she was incredible. But Woohyun’s face still flashed before his eyes for a second, grinning dumbly with dimples showing. Just like hers.

He gave her a tired smile and shook his hand. “No, it’s nothing. Just falling into a bit of a food coma, I think.”

\----

**_Present time_ **

That wasn’t the night he’d broken up with her, but it happened shortly after his revelation. In typical Jiwon-fashion she only asked once if she’d done anything wrong, which he immediately denied. How could it ever be her fault when he’d been the one trying to change her into his ex-boyfriend. It hadn’t been conscious, but that was still kind of what’d happened and she simply didn’t deserve to be strung along like this.

Maybe if he’d stayed with her longer he would have learned to love her just for her, but he didn’t want to take the chance. First, he had to get over Woohyun then, if she was single by the time, they could try their luck again maybe.

Admitting he was still hung up on someone 3 years after that person had left him without a word was pathetic, he knew that. However the first step was admitting your problem.

“-won? Howonie?! Hey, are you still there? Howon?” The increasingly loud voice of his best friend brought him back to reality and also made him realize he was standing right in front of Lee & Shin.

“Sorry, sorry, I was distracted by someone passing by. I’ll take everything home when I come by on Friday, okay? I really have to go or I’ll be later. Talk to you later, Dongwoo!”

Without waiting for an answer he hung up and jogged inside, seeing the elevator about to close. A brave jump got him inside right before the doors snapped shut. He exhaled his relief, but the breath got stuck in his throat, making him choke on air as he looked up at the other person occupying the tiny space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, sorry for the delay! to anyone still reading this: i'm very sorry. a lot of things happened and this was the last thing on my minds to be honest. but i am determined to finish this even if it takes me 50 years^^  
> this chapter is pretty short, but i wanted everyone to know what's been going on in howon's life lately so it'll be easier to understand how he is in later chapter. i might write a bonus-chapter about what woohyun's been up to in those 3 years at some point, but i think that would mostly be boring and depressing to read so for now we'll just wait and see ;;  
> thank you for reading this, have a good day!


	6. Love Sick

The canteen was buzzing with noise; people laughing and conversing, cutlery cluttering, glasses clinking. All in all, it was normal, but Howon just wished he could have a few moments of absolute silence after three hours of introducing himself to everyone and trying to figure out how everything worked around here without totally embarrassing himself by asking a hundred questions. Jun, his new colleague and mentor apparently, had said that no question was a stupid question, but Howon knew the poor man needed to concentrate on his own work instead of babysitting him.

All in all it wasn’t too bad though. Granted, he had already forgotten at least 3 colleagues’s names and was more than glad he’d broken company policy by writing down all the passwords because most of them had already slipped his mind, but other than that everything was fine. _Except the fact that W-_

His train of thoughts was brutally broken when his phone vibrated against his thigh once again. With a sigh he fished it out of the pocket of his slacks only to see notifications from most of his friends. Howon rolled his eyes at their antics, but couldn’t help the tiny smile from developing when he opened the messages.

> **Jongie**
> 
> I hope you are only 7 months away from becoming ceo by now
> 
> Okay maybe that was a bit ambitious you’ve only been there for 45 mins
> 
> Just so you know I am not counting the minutes I just happened to notice this
> 
> I made too much kimchi btw
> 
> Pick it up this weekend
> 
> But only if you call me after work to tell me all about the hot ppl in suits (bonus chocolate if you deliver some pics) 

This kid was really something; barely out of school and already commanding him around like he owned the place. Howon knew it would get much worse once his friend moved to Seoul. At least he’d never be late to anything or go hungry for too long with Sungjong nagging at him.

> **Kwanksuk**
> 
> yo
> 
> i hope you’re enjoying your time slaving away while we’re all out
> 
> [photo]

Howon scoffed at the picture of his new university friend lounging around what seemed to be Han River with his dog and more fast food than a guy as tiny as Kwanksuk should be able to stomach. And how dare he show him his adorable dog when he knew Howon lived for it?!

> **Dongwoo hyung**
> 
> howon!!!
> 
> how is your first day as a lawyer (*^▽^*)
> 
> kyaaa you already have your own swiveling chair
> 
> don’t forget to come by and bring looooots of food

A smile did make its way to his face then. Of course Dongwoo would be most excited about the prospect of Howon in a swiveling chair so he made a mental note to send him a picture or video of it some time this week.

Now, onto the last message, which just made him roll his eyes at his friend’s bluntness.

> **Yeol**
> 
> R u surviving

After sending all of them quick replies – varying in friendliness – he let his gaze wander around the canteen, but couldn’t spot anything. Not that he was looking for anything or anyone in particular. Just… getting used to his surroundings… and stuff. What would he be looking for anyway? He just wanted to seem open-minded so people wouldn’t be scared to approach him. Especially people he knew at this company. Like… his new colleagues. He definitely wasn’t disappointed when he didn’t spot a mop of dark brown hair or a navy pinstripe suit anywhere. Like he had before. Like he had this morning.

\----

**_Three hours ago_ **

Without waiting for an answer from Dongwoo he hung up and jogged inside, seeing the elevator about to close. A brave jump got him inside right before the doors snapped shut. He exhaled his relief, but the breath got stuck in his throat, making him choke on air as he looked up at the other person occupying the tiny space.

Just a second ago he’d felt that triumph only getting through closing doors could give you, but the next he forgot all about that.

Howon stared at the familiar face, letting his eyes roam over the plump pink lips, travelling upwards over the pointy nose to the dark bangs brushing against the eyelids. The mole. There it was. He didn’t look exactly the same, his cheeks were a bit less chubby and he wore his hair differently now, but there was no doubt in his mind now.

Finally, the eyes of the other man lifted to take a glance at the person who’d nearly bumped into him trying to get the elevator. For a moment his face was blank, but then recognition took over, making his eyes widen just like Howon’s had just a few seconds prior.

He tried to not let himself be affected, but he couldn’t help himself, it was like he was in a trance. Never did he think he’d see Woohyun again, but here he was. The older hadn’t changed much, his hair maybe a shade darker than it had been during their school days, his face a bit thinner. He let his gaze wander over his body quickly, noting that Woohyun generally seemed to have shed some weight, unconsciously making Howon frown. The other had always been thin and that was back when he’d been playing soccer every single day, which he surely couldn’t be doing anymore so what had caused this weight loss? Stress?

His gaze went back to the – apparently still shocked – Woohyun’s face to try to figure out his mood. It wasn’t even a conscious act, more like as soon as he saw him Howon fell back into his old patterns. However, he couldn’t read much of anything except disbelief on the other’s face.

Howon had to admit though that he was handsome as ever. The navy pinstripe suit seemed to be tailored, hugging Woohyun in all the right places. His hair just orderly enough to pass for a building like this. Even his shoes were shining brightly like someone had just cleaned them.

Without knowing what he was doing, his hand extended towards Woohyun’s wrist, but the _ding_ of the elevator stopping and opening made him wrench the traitorous body part back.

A woman was pushing her way in, which made Howon shuffle forward quickly. That was where Woohyun was standing however, who stepped aside with an awkward cough, which he mirrored with a blush creeping into his cheeks.

Gosh, how embarrassing he was being, acting like some 14 year old that ran into his crush or something. _Get it together, you idiot._

Stubbornly, he stared at his clasped hands in order not to let his gaze stray to the man beside him.

As soon as the doors opened on his floor, he scampered out with his head ducked like a scolded kid. Running into his ex, who was the cause of his recent break-up, on his first day of work was really just his damn luck.

\----

Finally, Friday arrived. Just one more meeting and then Howon would be free. The first week had been fun since he finally got to apply things he’d learned in class, but it had been exhausting with all these new people and challenges. This really wasn’t just any internship where you’d just get everyone coffee and Howon was grateful for the experiences he was allowed to make. Still, he was looking forward to a weekend filled with sleep.

Jun and Sooyoung were giving him some last pieces on information on the people who’d be attending on their way to the conference room. Jun, being higher up than the younger two, separated from them, taking a seat next to a higher-up Howon had met during his interview for the internship.

“…and lastly, Nam Woohyun.”

His head shot up at the familiar name, looking around to spot the other. Sure enough, his sight easily settled on none other than his ex, who had taken his seat on the other side of the huge table.

Howon was about to ask his new colleague what Woohyun was even doing here, because he didn’t seem to be an intern, but just then Mr. Shin stood up to start the meeting, making silence fall upon the room right away.

However, he couldn’t stop himself from stealing awkward glances from time to time, sometimes catching Woohyun in doing the same, which only made the whole thing even more embarrassing for the both of them. He just hoped nobody else noticed the tense atmosphere between them and the fact that they weren’t a hundred percent concentrated on the topics presented.

He didn’t even know why this was affecting him so much. With the way Woohyun had left with without a damn word after years of being in a relationship back then, Howon should feel nothing but disdain for him. And he did. He was still so fucking angry about how the older had just lied to him for weeks just to break up with him and vanish because Howon cared about his damn health; but that wasn’t all there was to it. Even back then, he had understood Woohyun in some ways. It had been three years though, why did it feel like somebody emptied a truck of heavy stones on his chest whenever he looked at him. Why did time still stand still for him when their gazes met? Why couldn’t he just stop thinking about the past and put this all behind him after all these years?

Sooyoung tapped his shoulder to get his attention once the meeting was over, stealing sly glances at Woohyun.

“Nam Woohyun’s so hot”, she whispered. “But he doesn’t talk to anyone. Do you think that makes him even more attractive? The fact that he probably wouldn’t give anyone who approached him the time of day?”

Howon grumbled inwardly. _What business does she have checking him out like that? He’s not a piece of meat or something._

She leaned even closer once people started gathering their things and passing them by to get out of the room, the both of them bowing with polite smiles as she continued her gossip.

“He’s been here for two months already. Apparently his parents know the Lees so now he’s working here for a semester while still taking all his exams and doing his assignments. Pretty and smart.”

He wondered if she’d start drooling at some point with the way she kept staring and gushing. Unconsciously, he shot Sooyoung a glare.

“But then again… if his parents got him in then maybe he also has someone do his university assignments for him. You know how rich people are. And it would suit his whole character.   
At first we all just though he was shy, but he hasn’t been out for drinks with anyone even once and he doesn’t even eat lunch with the others apparently. Figures, he probably goes to some high-class restaurant…”

Sooyoung might be right about all of this. Howon hadn’t seen Woohyun in years, who was to say that his parents hadn’t bought his way in? After all, he still remembered how set they were on turning their son into a great business man before letting him take over their company. It still rubbed him the wrong way though. This wasn’t the Woohyun he knew. Woohyun always worked hard when he knew he had to and he always wanted to impress his parents with his achievements. Yes, he could be incredibly lazy, but Howon was sick of people always judging the other based on what his family had. When he did badly or wasn’t the absolute nicest person, everyone acted like that was to be expected and when he did put in effort they said his parents were behind it.  He still remembered how much it had hurt and demotivated Woohyun back then.

When he looked up again to defend his ex, Sooyoung was nowhere to be found anymore. It was probably better this way. After all, why should be make his new colleague annoyed just for the sake of defending the version of Woohyun he had known back then?

Stop thinking about him all the time! It’s unfortunate that you’ve run into him here, but it’s a simple coincidence. He hasn’t acknowledged you in any way so just go along with that… Who gave him the right to ignore me though? If anything, I should be the one giving him the cold shoulder and playing hard to get. Wait, he’s not playing hard to get, that would require me trying to get with him again and I don’t! I just need to actually work through all these feelings from back then and then I can move on and find somebody else. If I’m really lucky maybe Ji-

“Oof”

Howon jumped back, but couldn’t escape some of the hot coffee to scald his hand. With a hiss he looked up and froze immediately. _Mr. Kang._

He gaped at his superior like a fish out of water. He made him spill coffee. Burning hot coffee. On his – without a doubt – incredibly expensive suit.

“I… I… Mr. Kang I…”, he stuttered while his superior shot a glare at Howon. He was really beginning to panic now, palms sweaty with his heart trying to break Usain Bolt’s record in running; he felt like he was about to pass out.

Just then, a velvety voice appeared from right behind him, an angel moving forward and in turn pretty much shielding Howon.

“Mr. Kang, my apologies. I tripped over my own two feet and must have accidentally pushed this man here against you.” He ended his explanation with a 90 degree bow, smiling at Mr. Kang with an embarrassed charm when he looked up again. “Allow me to take your jacket? I will get rid of the stain right away.”

Howon watched all of this unfold in a shocked sort of awe. It was like both parties had completely forgotten about his existence and involvement in this mess. He stared at their retreating backs, trying to understand what he had just witnessed.

_Did Woohyun just save me from getting fired?_

He was so perplexed that he almost missed it, but when the two turned around the corner at the end of the hall, Howon could swear he saw Woohyun limping slightly.

Howon furrowed his brows in concern. Was his injury from back then still bothering Woohyun? He thought he remembered the doctors saying he’d walk again. That had been before the older had decided to be stubborn and train for a damn scholarship though. Back then Howon had been so preoccupied with feeling of hurt and betrayal and then just repressed everything in order to be able to study for his finals that he’d never thought about what those secret training sessions might have caused Woohyun.

So even though he was supposed to relax and forget all about work (and Woohyun) right after the meeting – which was now – Howon found himself gathering his things with a lot on his mind; and it didn’t look like he’d get out of his head for a while.

\----

Howon trudged up the 2 flights of stairs to Dongwoo’s flat with a backpack slung over his right shoulder. After work he’d gone to the gym to blow off some steam and forget about all of these… feelings, but of course it hadn’t worked.

Now he was less than ready to have Dongwoo pester him all about his first week and be confronted with Jiwon’s and his break-up by picking up the stuff she left for him. So with a sigh he rang the doorbell.

Not even two second passed before the door was flung open, revealing a smiling Dongwoo. “Howonie! Are you ready for a night of Iron Man?!”

Usually this would have put a smile on his face as well, but today his mind was still too occupied with this whole Woohyun thing so he simply pushed inside and let his stuff drop on the floor, falling onto the shitty couch.

“Sure, sure. Did you order some chicken already?”, he distractedly answered while getting rid of his hoodie.

Dongwoo jumped over to him with two boxes of chicken with some cans of beers balanced on top. “Of course!”

His friend babbled on about his day while putting on Netflix, but before he started the first movie, he gasped really loudly and turned back around towards his friend. “Oh, I almost forgot to ask! How was your first week? You barely texted me, were you too busy?”

Howon looked at those big curious eyes with a small smile. He knew he should tell him about Woohyun, but where was the point? He didn’t even know where they stood, they hadn’t spoken a single word to each other so why should he ruffle his friend’s feathers?

“It was fine, just a lot of things to remember. Sorry I neglected you and the others, I just wanted to figure things out there first.”

Apparently, that wasn’t enough, because Dongwoo just scooted closer. “Okay, then tell me about the people you work with now. Anyone interesting?” He wiggled his brows suggestively.

God, he’d only just broken up with Jiwon – hell, he was partly here to pick up the last of his stuff she’d still had – and he was already trying to get him into a new relationship?!

Well, Howon understood it in a way. After the whole Woohyun ordeal he hadn’t really talked to many people, let alone flirt with them. And he had been more open, happier maybe, when he’d been with Jiwon so Dongwoo probably wanted to bring his happiness back as soon as possible. With Woohyun showing up all of the sudden though, he wasn’t exactly ready for a replay of his relationship with Jiwon.

“Dongwoo”, Howon started with a groan, “I mainly work with a married man. Can you _please_ not try to set me up with him?”

“But that’s only one person!”, Dongwoo insisted. “There has to be someone hot. Didn’t you have that meeting today? There had to be someone there!”

Howon tried to cover the blush that adorned his cheeks at the memory of Woohyun saving him after the meeting by gulping down half the can of his beer at once. Horrible idea since it made him choke on all the damn fizz.

Dongwoo slapped him on his back, taking away the remaining beer, until Howon had calmed down a bit. “You okay? Want some water?”

“No, I’m good.” His voice was still a bit squeaky, which he tried to ease by rubbing his chest and coughing a couple of times.

They sat in silence for a while, but he knew Dongwoo had something to say.

“Okay I can’t take it anymore who did you meet that made you nearly choke to death in my flat?!”

“Nobody!”

“Liar!”

“I’m not lying!”

“Who was it?”

“Nobody!”

“Who?”

“Woohyun!”

_Fuck._

Dongwoo stared at him with his jaw unhinged like Howon had just turned into a pig in front of his eyes. “W-W-Woohyun?”

Howon just pressed his fists against his closed eyes. Why couldn’t he ever keep his big mouth shut when he actually had to?!

“You saw Woohyun? When?!” Dongwoo robbed even closer to him, grabbing his hands and ripping them away from his eyes. “You actually work with Nam Woohyun?”

He wasn’t ready for this conversation, he just wasn’t. “I ran into him a couple of times, it’s no big deal.”

“No big deal?! You were broken when he left you!”

“I was not broken, okay? We broke up messily and he was the first guy I’d ever been with, but I was not broken or anything.”

“That’s what I was saying: he was your first love!”

“And he hasn’t been my anything for three years. Now he seems to be a distant colleague. What does it matter?”

“Howon, you two were inseparable before he just up and left, you can’t just ignore him being back in your life.” Dongwoo tried to reason with him by squeezing his fisted hands in reassurance.

“Dongwoo, fucking drop this!”, he hissed aggressively, which finally shut his friend up.

He never talked harshly to him, but he couldn’t let Dongwoo revive even more memories of his time with Woohyun. All Howon wanted was some peace and quiet for the weekend before he inevitably had to see his ex again next week.

So he did feel bad when Dongwoo scooted away with a mumbled “sorry” and just started the movie, but he also couldn’t bring himself to apologize, because that might encourage the other to pry again.

Howon sighed inwardly as he tried to get comfortable again and decided to just let Iron Man take his mind off of this mess.

\----

After the awkward night at Dongwoo’s, the weekend had been heavenly peaceful. He still felt a bit bad about snapping at his sunshine-like friend like that the other day, especially since he knew he’d just meant well and he was probably right in trying to get Howon to talk about this, but his relief about having evaded that talk is way bigger.

His weekend had been quite nice overall, but he hadn’t been able to completely avoid all thought concerning Woohyun. He discovered he was more angry than he thought he was, though a lot of that anger was directed at himself, because he hadn’t done more and was still hung up on his ex-boyfriend. Yes, he understood that Woohyun had been medicated and not in a good place in any way, but who had he thought he was to just leave without a damn word. Hell, had they even properly broken up back then? And now he just acted like they had never seen each other, not even greeting him?!

But then his thoughts would take him back to how not only him, but Woohyun too, had stolen glances during the meeting. And how Woohyun had saved him from his boss’s anger just like that. So maybe he just felt so bad and embarrassed about his actions that he didn’t know how to approach Howon?

He shook his head in order to get rid of all these confusing thoughts as he opened the door to the tiny – really it could barely be called that – kitchen to make himself some coffee. However, when he stepped in and saw Woohyun look up like a thief caught red-handed, he stopped dead in his tracks.

“I… The coffee machine on our floor isn’t working.” A faint blush was decorating his face and he kept fidgeting on his feet, balancing on their outer sides like he’d already done back in high school.

Howon just nodded awkwardly while he went over to the machine himself. As soon as the cup was done, the older shuffled to the side with it in his hands, making a little gesture for the other to use it himself.

“So uh”, Woohyun started awkwardly, “you are an intern here now?”

Howon took his fresh coffee out of the machine, busying himself with finding sugar. “Yeah, I’m the lucky one. And you are here as…?”

He didn’t dare look at the other, fearing he’d blush again or that eye contact could make this situation even more awkward than it already was.

“I’m working for the marketing department for a couple months and if they end up liking me I can work in management for some time.”

Howon nodded. Why had he even asked when Sooyoung had already explained this? Probably just for the sake of making some polite conversation. This was at least better than running away from each other, right?

He was about to just take his coffee and leave when he realized what he’d done: He had put an abnormal amount of sugar in, without any milk. Just how Woohyun likes it.

Trying to be inconspicuous, he glanced at the cup the other had in his hand. Maybe if he hadn’t put anything in yet and he distracted him he could somehow exchange the cups without him noticing? When he saw that the liquid in Woohyun’s cup wasn’t black, but brown though, he got another shock. Had Woohyun made it just how he, Howon, liked: no sugar, just a liiittle bit of milk?

Howon looked up at an equally embarrassed Woohyun, who quickly lowered his gaze to Howon’s cup. “Here”, he awkwardly thrust the cup in his hand towards him, “I made this, because… this is your kitchen so you should get the coffee first.”

He quickly nodded, holding out his hand clutching onto the cup towards the other. “I saw you doing that so I just thought uhm I won’t drink two cups and you wanted one so… now it works out.” Howon laughed uncomfortably, simply not knowing how to deal with this.

Woohyun smiled at him with red ears and cheeks. _Cute._ He reached out to take the cup from Howon, but when their fingers brushed, he quickly pulled his back like he’d been burned. He frowned, looking down at the hand as if looking for a wound Howon had inflicted upon him.

On the other hand, Howon just stood there dumbly, taking the cup from Woohyun. That seemingly brought the other back to life as he took the one from Howon with a quick bow.

“Thank you, I must lo. I mean go. I mean leave.” With his stutters he rushed out of the kitchen, leaving a red-cheeked Howon behind who didn’t know what to think anymore.

_Well… this is going to be something._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a bit faster than last time! and not a lot happens except they are very awkward losers :( the title it fti's love sick btw


	7. When You Love Someone

It was a pretty foggy day in Seoul and Howon was glad to be inside his – albeit kind of shitty – apartment with the heating on. The world outside looked so muddled and honestly speaking, he could relate. His thoughts and feelings have been a mess ever since he had started working at _Lee & Shin_ and it was beginning to take a toll on him. As he was looking at the clouds darkening the sky, he found himself wondering whether his brain would be cleared, just like the sky, if he let one downpour happen. Crying was usually not something he did, but weeks spent tossing and turning, tripping over his own feet and almost spilling coffee over himself whenever he caught a glance of Woohyun had made him desperate.

“Howon?”, a soft voice made him swivel his head away from the window towards the bathroom, “Can you get me a towel?”

“Sure, sure.”

He fetched one from his closet, opened the door to the bathroom a little bit and held it in for the younger to take. Howon strolled over to let himself fall onto one of the two chairs surrounding the small kitchen table. It only took a few minutes for him to be joined by Sungjong, who was busying his hands with drying his freshly dyed blonde hair.

Sungjong had been staying at his place for 3 days now and would continue to do so for 2 more weeks because he wanted to check out some universities he’d already gotten accepted to in order to choose one. Spending time with him and Dongwoo was just a bonus. They’d decided to let him change back and forth between staying at his and their older friend’s place so on Friday he’d pack his things and move in with him for a week. If you asked Howon, this was all a bit unnecessarily complicated, but Sungjong had insisted on not choosing one of them and hurting the other in the process. (He would never admit it, but Howon probably would have felt a bit left out if Sungjong had told him he’d only stay at Dongwoo’s the entire time.)

The two of them had quietly been eating some soup for dinner for a while now when Sungjong looked up warily, but determinedly at his friend.

“Dongwoo told me about the Woohyun thing.”

Howon froze for a second. So far, he’d been able to avoid the topic. After he’d snapped at Dongwoo the other day his friend hadn’t mentioned it again and he was more than thankful for that. If only he’d have kept his mouth shut altogether and not just in front of him.

He kept his gaze on his food and resumed eating like nothing was wrong. “What Woohyun thing? There’s no thing. We just work together.” Howon tried to act nonchalant as he gathered his now empty soup bowl and brought it to the sink, but his running away was probably very obvious.

“Don’t you even try. You might be able to intimidate Dongwoo into keeping his mouth shut, but not me!” Sungjong hissed at his back with a glare that actually scared Howon quite a bit so he decided to at least turn around to appease the younger. He didn’t want to talk about this, but he knew his friend wouldn’t stop bothering him about this until he at least told him about the situation.

“Listen, Jongie, there’s really not much to tell. We haven’t talked much, not about anything real anyway.” He muttered the last part with a bit of his frustration showing.

Once the other started talking, Sungjong’s gaze softened and he held out his hand to motion for his friend to come closer. Howon hesitated with a guarded look in his eyes, but eventually let the younger’s smile coax him into taking his previous seat.

“Just because you didn’t fall into each other’s arms crying about how you never should have broken up in the first place or haven’t made out in the bathroom yet doesn’t mean nothing happened. Or that nothing will happen.” The younger supplied with a smile as he playfully tilted his head to the side.

Both of them weren’t usually physical people so when Sungjong took his hand, he was a bit taken aback. It weirdly assured him though and gave him the last bit of courage needed to share what’s been weighting on his mind for the past few weeks.

“It’s true that we haven’t talked much.”, he started lowly. “Honestly, most mornings he doesn’t even greet me when he does see me. But then he goes out of his way to do something nice for me.”

Sungjong still didn’t seem to understand so, taking a deep breath, Howon decided to give some examples.

“The first time we met, he created as much space as possible between us like I was some reeking stranger on the street. Last week I overheard him acting like he didn’t know my name. If he always acted just like that, it would be fine.” He knew it was a lie, but that was easier than saying it would hurt and maybe then he’d get over it, because that wasn’t all Woohyun did.

“Then he turns around and makes me coffee just the way I like it. He saved me from my boss when I spilled coffee all over him. And I’m pretty sure he’s the one who left a scarf on my desk the other day when I came to work with a cold. Who else would do that and not say anything?! And it looked expensive as hell, none of the people I talk to at work would be able to afford something like this easily.”

Excited by the prospect of a reunion apparently, Sungjong grinned at him brightly. “That’s great! Just give him back the scarf next time you see him and if he acts suspicious or even accepts it, you know it was him.”

“It’s not about the stupid scarf!”, Howon exploded. Quickly, he retracted his hand and stood up, agitatedly pacing around the small kitchen. “It’s about all these mixed signals. Does he want to ignore that we know each other? Does he want to apologize? Does he want more?! I just don’t know what he wants and it’s driving me crazy!”

Taken aback, the younger stared up at him with big eyes. Neither of them spoke for a while, Howon occupied with his pacing and ruffling his already messy hair while Sungjong followed his movements with his attentive gaze.

A low, but curiously determined “What do you want?” had Howon staring back at his friend.

When he didn’t answer, the blonde elaborated. “You keep talking about how Woohyun acts and how you don’t know what he wants, but… shouldn’t you be more concerned about what you want? This isn’t just about him. Just because he didn’t let you play an active part in your break-up doesn’t mean you won’t get to be one when – or if – you two form any sort of relationship again. So… what do you want?”

Howon stood there gobsmacked. It sounded stupid, but he’d truly never stopped to ask himself that question. Maybe because if he came to the conclusion that he wanted Woohyun back in his life – whatever way that may be – then it would hurt way more if the other didn’t want the same thing. As long as it was about Woohyun, it was solely Woohyun’s responsibility. Or at least that’s what he told himself.

“I don’t know.” His utter came low and defeated for it was the truth and he hated himself for having wasted so much time before thinking about it. “I mean you know how I was with Woohyun. He…”, he stopped a bit embarrassed, his ears taking a slight pink hue, “he made me the happiest person. Sure, we had a few squabbles here and there, but as long as I was with him, I felt strong and like I had a purpose. I still have one now, of course. I want to help people by becoming a lawyer, but it’s different. With him it was more about me.”

His dreamy expression darkened when he started thinking about how the other had shattered all that, how hard he’d had to work to build up his confidence again after being left alone like that. “He also hurt me more than anyone else though. Sure, my parents don’t treat me great, but I am used to that treatment from them. Woohyun was supposed to be different, he was supposed to be my family and family trusts each other. He just up and left me without a single word once already, who says he won’t do it again?”

Exhausted from all that emotional talk, he let himself fall back on the chair, burying his head in his hands. A slim hand carding through his tangled locks made him look up again at the encouraging smile. “See? Feels good to let it all out like I told you to, right?”

He swatted the hand away with a glare, making Sungjong laugh as he leaned back. “Just think about what you want before you do anything, okay? This is about you as much as it is about him so if you come to the conclusion that you don’t want anything to do with him, go ahead and tell him. But be sure you know what you really want first.”

Howon smiled at the younger softly. Sometimes he wondered how he ended up being the most mature of their little group when he was the youngest. However he’d managed to grow up so well, he was really glad he had him, even though he knew he didn’t always show him that. “Thanks, Jongie.” He ruffled the younger’s hair, making him pout and whine, swatting the hands of his chuckling friend away.

“Stop, stop.” He stood up and made his way to the counter, already taking out some milk. “I’m gonna make you some nice hot chocolate and then you’re gonna go to sleep early. And tomorrow you can start thinking about how to handle that damn boy.”

Yeah, that sounded like a plan.

 

\----

 

Once again, he was waiting for their coffee to be done with Jun by his side. They had a noticeable age gap, but Howon found himself being comfortable around the other, who had a very easy-going nature and didn’t pry quite as much as some of their other colleagues tended to do.

“So, are you going to the party on Friday?” Jun asked as he put an abnormal amount of milk into his cup of coffee, which made Howon scrunch up his face in disgust. “What party?” He stirred around in his own coffee for a bit absentmindedly, considering whether he should indulge in one of the cookies someone from the department whose birthday it was had left for grabs.

When he looked up – he would take some cookies later for Jongie and himself – he found himself be stared at by Jun. “You haven’t heard?!” Howon just shrugged cluelessly. “I’ve been spending lunch breaks with a friend who’s here to visit so I’m not really in the loop, I guess?” he offered.

That seemed to explain it well enough. The older offered him a smile after taking a sip from his coffee. “Well, it’s this annual work party. It’s not all stiff though! Actually, it’s the one events everyone shows up to, because it’s the best chance to talk without a word being uttered about anything work-related. You should definitely come. To give all of us a chance to finally get to know our youngest genius a bit better.” Jun nudged him playfully, making Howon look down at his cup.

“I guess it won’t hurt to socialise a bit?” It sounded more like a questions since he wasn’t that fond of parties in general and had been looking forward to a quiet weekend of sorting out his feelings, but at least he got to avoid the latter.

Or not.

Just as he said yes, a familiar person walked right in. _When are they going to fix that cursed coffee machine?! I thought his department was full of the important people, you’d think they’d make it a company priority._

“Oh, hello. Woohyun, right?” Jun greeted the other with a friendly smile and handshake. Being the little social butterfly that he was, Woohyun immediately lit up.

The two of them continued to make some small talk while Howon awkwardly sipped on his coffee from time to time. He just wanted to get out of this room. He still had so much work to do that he had no idea how to finish everything in time. And he’d promised himself to avoid Woohyun until he figured out what he wanted.

He was about to just awkwardly shuffle out of there in hopes not to be noticed, when he realized he was being addressed.

“You’re going to be there as well?” A bit lost because he hadn’t been listening to their conversation Howon looked from Jun to Woohyun, who was looking at him expectantly and… was that? Were his ears red?

Jun laughed at his confused expression, taking it upon himself to answer for Howon. “Howon here just promised me to let us tickle some personal information out of him on Friday, if that answers your question.”

Why was Woohyun’s smile so warm when he nodded his “Then I’ll be there as well.” to Jun? So much for avoiding him completely until he had settled his feelings – if there were still any – for him.

 

\---

 

_I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to go home._

Howon had just stepped in, but already wanted to leave. His week had been a nightmare: he was no closer to figuring out how to act around his ex, he’d lost an important file on Thursday and gotten into a lot of trouble (though it had reappeared a hours later) and he had to make an important call on Monday and still didn’t feel prepared enough for it. On top of all of that, he was stuck at a _party_ of all things, something that always made him nervous no matter what.

Just as he was actually contemplating just turning back around and feigning illness, someone bumped their shoulder against him. A grinning Sooyoung was looking up at him. “So you really came, huh? Good thing I didn’t actually take on that bet with Jun then. I was so sure you wouldn’t show up, but he seemed too confident when he said you would.”

He didn’t know if he should be annoyed because now he couldn’t sip away unnoticed anymore or glad that at least he wasn’t standing around alone anymore. Deciding he was stuck anyway so he should make the most of it, Howon sent her a bashful smile. “Well, I thought I should try to be social for once. Plus, I heard that the food is supposed to be great.”

“The food?” Sooyoung laughed in disbelief. “I think I prefer the free drinks.”

This part always made him squirm when he was around people he didn’t know well. Not drinking was just a weird thing for a guy apparently and usually got him some looks. “Yeah, I might not be able to drink tonight, because I have this thing tomorrow morning…” he started trying to make up an excuse.

His gaze was wandering around nervously when it landed on Woohyun. A very hot Woohyun. His hair was dishevelled to the side and up and the shirt he was wearing seemed to have some see-through pattern, revealing just some hints of his upper body. Howon knew this was a chill event and all, but damn, he didn’t think the other would show up dressed to make sure everyone in the room would want to take him home. And in that moment he realized, he didn’t want anyone else to take Woohyun home. Not even for just one night that wouldn’t mean anything. He knew it wasn’t reasonable, but in his mind, they still belonged together in a way.

Determined to make sure to keep Woohyun close, he was about to strut over there when a handsome man came up to his ex, sliding his arm around his waist and leaning in to tell him something. Woohyun smiled at him and leaned in himself, his lips almost touching that stranger’s earlobe. He seemed to fit himself into the tall man towering over him, the both of them in their own world so the booming music wouldn’t interrupt their conversation.

Who was that man? And who was he to Woohyun for the two of them to act to familiar with each other? Howon’s brows began to crinkle in confusion and jealousy, though he would never admit to the second part. After all, what right did he have to be jealous when he and Woohyun hadn’t been anything to each other for years now?

It was the last straw that took his already strained mind over the edge though. So when Sooyoung started making her way towards the bar, he quickly caught up to her. “You know what? I can cancel that appointment tomorrow. Let’s see what their best drinks are.”

He got a mischievous grin in return. “You, my friend, are now my partner in sin for the night.” Sooyoung proclaimed, hooked her arm around Howon’s and dragged him along to the bar excitedly.

 

\----

 

Two hours later and, judging by the annoyed scowl on her face, Sooyoung was severely regretting her choice in a partner for the night. She was sitting on a couch with Howon heavily leaning on her. “I feel so sick, Soo,” he kept mumbling against her shoulder, spreading his spittle all over it.

If she had known that her colleague couldn’t keep his liquor at all and that he wasn’t even a fun drunk, she never would have approached the usually uptight guy. Of course he wouldn’t be used to drinking, she should have known that when he kept grimacing and looking around. Howon did feel sorry about all this as much as he still had the capability to, but he couldn’t help but slouch against her even more when another wave of nausea hit him.

Longingly she looked at the people dancing, drinking, having a great time. How she wished she was one of them, but she couldn’t just leave Howon here. Just when she was about to resign to her fate completely and ask the other if there was anyone she could call to pick him up, a velvet voice made her look up at the ever so elusive Nam Woohyun.

“Is he okay?” The concerned voice had Howon furrowing his brows. He knew that voice. He was sure he’d heard it a lot before. His body felt all warm now. “I can take over here. I’m sure you have friends here who already miss you.”

“Are you sure? You don’t even know him, you don’t have to do this.”

_Him?_ Who was that mysterious him? And why was the shoulder he was leaning on shuffling higher, this disturbed his comfortable position enormously, making him pout involuntarily.

“It’s alright, I have an appointment in the morning so I’m leaving anyway. It’s no trouble to just stop at his place first and make sure he doesn’t get mugged.”

“If that’s the case then… thank you a lot! I owe you one, definitely!”

Howon finally lifted his heavy eyelids when he felt a strong grip on his arm pull him up against a sturdy chest. “Who…?,” he began as his eyes began to focus. The lights were glittering and flashing all over the place, but he knew that face. He would know it everywhere in any situation. “Woohyun?” Maybe he was hallucinating or already sleeping, because surely, Woohyun wouldn’t leave that handsome guy from before to hold him in his arms. _His strong, reliable, perfect arms._

The other man gently smiled down at his slouched form. “I’m gonna get you home, don’t worry.” His arm was soon being draped over the other’s shoulder and before he could even register what was happening, Howon was being escorted – read: half-carried – out by Woohyun.

Outside the air was cold, making Howon shiver and unconsciously shuffle closer into the other to share some body heat. “I know it’s cold, but it’ll be really warm in my car, I promise. I even have a blanket you can use, okay? Just,” Howon felt himself being shifted a bit and next thing he knew, he was sitting inside a car that strongly smelled of peppermint.

He looked around for Woohyun, lost as to what was even happening. He was about to call out for him when the other let himself fall onto the driver’s seat with a big baby blue blanket in his hands.

“Sorry, I had to get this out of the trunk.” The older gently lay it over Howon’s body. Howon just blinked up at this wonderful person. He didn’t understand what was happening or why. 

“You’re so nice. You’re such a nice person, Woohyunie.” He smiled dopily at the other, who just chuckled as he buckled both of their seatbelts.

“Okay, this nice person needs your address.”

“But you know where I live! You didn’t come over often, but you did sometimes.” Howon pouted at him. How could he have forgotten? Sure, they’d been apart for some years, but he could still recite all of Woohyun’s contact info by heart.

A shadow seemed to cross Woohyun’s face. He looked away, seemingly in shame and that only made Howon scrunch up his face further. Like a reflex, he reached out to touch his pulse point. He needed to know whether it was just his muddled mind making the other seem sad or if he actually was.

Woohyun twitched at the touch and looked at Howon’s concentrated expression. His gaze softened again, but he still had to pull his hand back to put it on the steering wheel.

“Howonie, I mean your address here in Seoul. Can you tell me that one? Promise I won’t forget that one either.”

“Ooooh,” Howon giggled at his own stupidity before he proceeded to tell the other his current address, who immediately started the car and began driving.

A cold breeze hit him when Woohyun rolled down the window. At first he wanted to protest, but then realized how it helped with his nausea so he went back to smiling lazily.

They didn’t really talk much, but the silence was filled with music playing from Woohyun’s phone. He wanted to talk to him, but he was feeling so nauseous and everything seemed to be spinning so he simply held his face into the wind and tried really hard not to vomit in Woohyun’s undoubtedly expensive car.

 

\----

 

Roughly twenty minutes later he felt the car come to a stop and seconds later felt hands near his hips, which belonged to Woohyun, who was unbuckling his seatbelt. His previously closed eyes fluttered open to look at the other already outside, opening his door.

Still feeling tipsy, Howon gladly wrapped his arms around the other to let him help him get inside the building. He clung to him tightly, letting him carry most of his weight. Suddenly the memory of Woohyun limping a few weeks ago came back to him and he abruptly let go, stumbling back a few steps. He would have fallen as well had it not been for the other quickly reaching out to get a hold of his arm again. “Easy there.”

“I can’t lean on you, you’re hurt!,” Howon insisted as he once again tried to separate them to make his way up the stairs on his own.

Not on Woohyun’s watch though. He quickly caught up to him, draped Howon’s arm over his shoulders and wrapped his own around his waist. “I’m not hurt, dummy. What are you even talking about?”

Howon grumbled dissatisfied when they started their ascent. “Saw you limping. I know your knee is hurt.” He was torn between wanting to snuggle closer and knowing that he would hurt the other if he put too much of his weight on him.

They stopped momentarily, Woohyun panting from pretty much carrying the other up two flights of stairs already. “Don’t worry, I’m fine.”

“Noooo! Don’t lie, lying is bad!” He elbowed the older one in the rips. Judging by the pained groan, the jab ended up being harder than he’d planned, but he was still trying to make a point here. Woohyun didn’t let him go and only resumed their ascent up the final flight of stairs. “Should have become a doctor like I planned so I could pull out all my shiny things and check you and prove you wrong,” he mumbled into the other’s sturdy shoulder.

“What are you talking about? You always wanted to be a lawyer.”

“Nuh-uh” Howon shook his head strongly. Big mistakes as it only made him more dizzy so he had to tighten his grip on Woohyun even more. “Wanted to be a reeeeally good doctor and fix your knee up like that!” He accented his last words with a swish like he was swinging a wand, making himself giggle again.

They came to a sudden stop at that, which made Howon bump his head against Woohyun. “Ouchie.”

When he looked up to see what the hold-up was, he saw Woohyun look at him with an unreadable expression that had him tilt his head to the side, trying to figure out what was going through the other boy’s head.

He realized soon after that they were standing in front of his apartment door, however, guiding his drunken mind away. Howon proudly held up his key, but it just wouldn’t go into the damn lock. He whined childishly, but was soon interrupted by Woohyun gently taking it from him, opening the door for them right away.

Once inside, Woohyun quickly sat Howon down on one of the kitchen chairs. He busied himself with taking out a glass, filling it up with cold water and handing it to the younger. “Drink this, it’ll make you sober up a bit. Do you have some crackers or something?” Howon just nodded up at the upper right cupboard and a few seconds later the pack was sitting in front of him. “Eat up!”

The next minutes were spent in silence, Howon occupied with drinking and eating. “I thought you had a friend staying over?” Woohyun looked around in confusion, probably trying to find the mysterious person. Howon didn’t even know how the other knew that, but pushed the thought away as quickly as it came. “Sungjong is in Seoul for a couple of weeks, but he’s with Dongwoo now.”

_Way to make it awkward._ The mention of those two and the inevitable realization that a few years ago, Woohyun would have definitely known that; that, if everything had gone according to plan, he’d have been here when Sungjong arrived, made the two of them look away from each other quickly.

But Howon was tired of this lingering feeling of them taking a step forward only to shy back again. His snack had sobered him up a bit, but there was still enough alcohol in his system to make him bolder than he usually was.

“Thanks for taking me home, but I’m alright here. Even without Sungjong so you can just leave now before you inevitably decide to bolt in ten minutes.” Maybe it came out harsher than he’d planned, but he still found the tiniest bit of satisfaction in the way the other winced at that.

“I guess I deserved that one.” Woohyun sheepishly scratched the back of his head. “Anything else stuck in your chest where that came from?”

Howon tilted his head. There was. God, there was so much more where that came from, but would it really be worth it? “Nothing you can’t think of yourself.”

The other kept kneading his fingers, looking down at them seemingly afraid of what his ex might have to say. Knowing Woohyun, it sounded even worse in his head.

“I’m a fucking asshole for leaving you when I was the one making the mistakes. For weeks, I treated you like absolute shit and I could blame part of it on the drugs, but I managed to hold back for Myungsoo. Though a lot of that was also due to me being horrible since I needed him for that whole stupid plan. And I know. That it was stupid, I mean. I didn’t think any of that through, because I always need you to help me sort out my thoughts and idea and I just… didn’t realize. Or maybe I did. I think I just didn’t want to tell you, because I knew you’d tell me I was wrong and you’re always so right. I just wanted to be right for once, but I am the dumb one out of the two of us, always was.

When I yelled at you for being worried, for caring about me… I had no right and there’s not even a good explanation for that. I’m a damn coward for not even saying anything back then. Only a lowlife would just up and leave the love of their life over something like this without saying a word so that’s what I must be.

Even now… At the company I keep treating you like shit so I can’t even say it was teenage hormones or something. I-“

Howon had been listening to his self-deprecating rant with growing dissatisfaction. Sure, Woohyun wasn’t exactly wrong in what he was saying, but hearing – and seeing – him get so upset about this only made him feel terrible as well.

So he rounded the table to pull him up into a tight hug, successfully ending his self-hate-monologue. “Shut up, idiot.” He felt Woohyun stiffen for about 3 seconds before he wrapped his arms around his body, burying his face in his neck, taking deep breath as if he’d been walking without breathing in oxygen for years. His reaction made tears spring to Howon’s eyes. In an attempt to hide them, he also snuggled his face into the other’s neck as he tightened his grip on him even more. And if he felt a slight wetness against his neck then that was only for the both of them to know.

 

\----

 

They stayed in this embrace for quite some time before they separated in favour of getting Howon – who was still feeling a little tipsy and nauseous – some tea and sitting down on the tiny couch. It was a bit awkward now that there’d been some feelings poured out, but it felt much better than the last weeks of uncertainty. Though Howon still obviously didn’t know what Woohyun wanted from him now.

“So,” Howon finally decided to break the silence. He glanced over at Woohyun, who looked disgustingly cute with his eyes still a bit puffy, clutching a big red pillow to his chest. “are you planning on becoming a lawyer now or why are you at Lee & Shin?”

The other hummed vaguely. “Not really. I’m going to take over the company, but my parents wanted me to know some stuff about international business law and Mr. Shin is kinda of an expert. And their friend, which also helped. So I’m studying business and taking my exams and stuff, but instead of attending classes, I work.”

It made Howon look at him in pity. Of course he’d known Woohyun wouldn’t be able to live his dream of being a soccer player, but he knew how much he always hated the thought of taking over his parents’ company. He was interested in a couple of different things so maybe he’d just assumed that he’d have been able to make his own way.

“I’m sorry.” He wanted to reach out to him. Just by the way Woohyun was talking about it, like he’d surrendered to his fate, broke his heart. Howon softly poked the other’s thigh with his foot. “But I’m sure you’ve written some awesome songs about all the people in college you’ve hooked up with, right? How many do you have now? Around 70?”

What had been an innocent attempt to lighten the mood and remind the older of something the loved seemingly only made everything worse. Woohyun immediately drew his feet up on the couch, making himself even smaller than he already was. “I don’t really write songs anymore.”

It was like waking up in an unknown room, Howon felt so disoriented. Sure, it had taken Woohyun some time to tell him about his passion, but after the initial “confession”, he’d talked about it quite often and whenever he had, his eyes had shone so brightly. So how could it be that that he’d just stopped like that? He furrowed and was about to pry further when his ex turned to him, a smile back in place.

“Doesn’t matter, I wasn’t good at it anyways. What about you though? All your dreams are pretty much about to come true, aren’t they? Just a couple more semester and all the law firms will try to get their hands on you.”

Bashfully, he looked down at his lap. “Getting a good word in from Lee & Shin will definitely help.”

Suddenly, a warm hand gripped onto his. He looked up into brown orbs in surprise that were shining at him warmly. “I’m really glad you’re the one who gets to have everything he ever wanted. You really deserve it.”

But that wasn’t true. “ _You_ were part of my dream, too. It was never just about being a lawyer. I wanted to go to Seoul _with_ you. I just wanted both of us to do something we wanted and be… happy together.” Howon confessed with a low voice, scooting closer on his knees.

Woohyun’s sharp intake of breath accompanied by the loosening of the grip he had on his hand was enough to make Howon lose the little hope and courage he’d gained in this. He cowered back on his butt, about to get up and end this whole night so he could just go to bed and sleep it off.

A pair of clammy hands, laying on his cheeks, pulling him close. A pair of warm, soft lips meeting his.

If this were a movie, Howon would freeze with his eyes wide open. But it wasn’t. Muscle memory took over, years of doing this, another set of years of dreaming about doing this. It was like he’d never stopped. His own hands reached out to tangle in Woohyun’s soft locks as he kissed back tenderly.

The kiss ended fairly soon, both of them just falling back into a comfortable hug and that was perfect, too. This was what Howon had dreamed of having every single day whenever he’d closed his eyes to picture his life in Seoul. Working his ass off, a shitty apartment, Woohyun, happiness.

They decided to put on some TV, but Howon kept yawning. Woohyun kept telling him to just go to sleep, but he refused to. This was all he’d wanted for years, he’d use every single millisecond he could get being conscious. At some point, however, the older was sick of it and just scooped Howon up in his arms to carry him ‘into his damn bed himself’.

Howon, barely awake anymore, gripped onto Woohyun tightly. “Don’t leave,” he mumbled sleepily with closed eyes. He didn’t get to see the loving smile on the other’s face as he ran his hand through Howon’s hair. “Don’t worry, I’d never leave you again.”

With an eased heart, Howon snuggled closer into the familiar body as it lay down next to him. Their limbs tangled together naturally as if this was the way they were supposed to be and maybe they were. Howon certainly hadn’t felt this right and at home in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaah i know it's been so long once again, but i will definitely finish this, i promise! here's some sungjong and tipsy fluff (and angst) to make up for the long time of waiting // title is day6's song


	8. Way Back Home

When Howon’s eyes fluttered open, it was thankfully dark in his room. Otherwise the headache that stifled all his motivation to get up would have knocked him right back out.

With a groan he covered his eyes with a lazy arm as he rolled onto his back. It took him a few painful minutes to finally remove it and blink up at the ceiling of his bedroom. God, he knew there was more to his no drinking policy than his parents: being hungover made you feel like you got run over by a damn truck.

Slowly but surely his memories of last night came back to him. After all, he hadn’t drunk _that_ much so, thank god, he didn’t need to deal with lost memories on top of the splitting pain in his head.

_Woohyun._

Woohyun pressing him to his warm chest. Woohyun wrapping him in a blanket. Woohyun giving him crackers. Woohyun crying against his neck. Woohyun’s lips on his. Woohyun carrying him into bed. Woohyun telling he wouldn’t leave.

Howon swivelled his head to the side with a speed he was definitely not up for right now. Wincing, he clenched his eyes shut and waited for the pain to subside. As soon as it was bearable again he, slowly now, looked around for Woohyun. However, a few pats on the cold mattress told him that no other body had lain on it in a long time.

He furrowed his brows as he sat up, massaging his temples in hopes of soothing his body and maybe kneading out some memories he’d missed, but there was nothing. The last thing he remembered was them lying in each other’s embrace.

Lying – or sitting – in bed for the rest of the day wouldn’t answer any of his questions or make his headache go away, he decided, and swung his legs to the side to stand up and stretch. Maybe the other was in the living room? After all it was already 11:37, according to the old-fashioned alarm clock on his nightstand.

However, neither his venture into the living area nor the following journey into his bathroom – where he quickly swallowed some painkillers – proofed to be successful. The more time passed, the more pronounced the uncomfortable feeling in his chest and stomach got. Woohyun wasn’t in his apartment and it looked like he hadn’t been in some time.

Uncertainty was beginning to set in. What if he’d just dreamed all of this? It seemed too good to be true anyways and there was no trace of Woohyun. And his memories did have a blurry edge to them… A hand seemed to take hold of his heart, increasing the grip it had on it more and more by the second. It felt like losing him all over again and for what? A foolish drunken dream?!

He stumbled back into his room to pick up his phone, which showed him some messages from Kwangsuk and Sungjong, but none from Woohyun. Taken by the last remains of hope, he rifled through the mess on his nightstand and that’s when something fell on his foot.

“Ouch,” he jumped back in shock and cradled his poor foot in his hands. Looking around for the perpetrator, he found a watch lying on the ground. Woohyun’s watch, to be exact.

He picked it up to examine it further, but there was no doubt it was the watch he had given Woohyun for their first anniversary. Back then he had worked before school to be able to buy it and even then it was still far less expensive than the other watches his then boyfriend had owned. The fact that the other still had and even wore it…

A smile lit up Howon’s face at the realisation what this meant. Woohyun had been here! Thank god it hadn’t just all been some weird dream. Thinking about all of this without feelings of betrayal in the way, nothing was that surprising. It could absolutely be that Woohyun had some appointment in the morning and that’s why he wasn’t here now. And maybe he was in a rush – since they did go to sleep pretty late – and that’s why there was no note left behind. It wasn’t like he had pens and paper lying around anyway. As for the phone… they didn’t even exchange new numbers so how would Woohyun be able to text him?

With a relieved sigh, Howon let himself fall back onto his now much more inviting bed. He held the watch above his head, admiring the signs of wear it showed _. So he didn’t forget about me either, after all._

He felt stupid to be grinning to himself like an infatuated 3 year old, but he just couldn’t help it. Just two days ago he didn’t have much hope left in him for even a good friendship between him and Woohyun, but now they seemed to be steering towards a relationship. Of course this was too early to get overly excited, they hadn’t really talked anything through – and there was a _lot_ to be discussed – but he knew that Woohyun still cared a lot. Even if he chalked his behaviour last night up to him trying to pacify a drunk ex, the watch still meant something.

So with his heart finally settled and the painkillers muddling his brain, he let himself be carried back into dreamland.

 

\----

 

Thankfully Howon’s headache was completely gone by the next day. Refreshed from having slept pretty much all day and excited about getting to see Woohyun again soon, he had even read up on some things that might be useful for work in the future and was now in the process of doing the dishes. Though it beat him how there could even be dishes to be done since he’d swear that he always did them right away and he lived on his own anyway.

The ringing of his doorbell made him startle. He quickly ran to the front door and opened it with his elbow, smiling and his two friends who chuckled at his purple rubber gloves.

“You look absolutely adorable.” Sungjong mocked as he sauntered over into the tiny kitchen with Dongwoo in tow. In retaliation, Howon flicked some water at him, making the other jump back into their oldest friend with a squeak. “That’s disgusting!”

Howon just grinned cheekily at him as he finished up his chores. “You guys can snack on some cookies, they’re over there behind the pasta box.” He pointed to his right to show them where.

Dongwoo immediately smiled excitedly. “You’re the best!” He exclaimed, already ripping the bag open like a child opening presents on Christmas. Howon could only shake his head at his friend’s behaviour.

When he looked up, he met the searching gaze of Sungjong. He lifted his brows in question as to why he was being scrutinized so seriously. “You’re awfully… chirpy today.,” the youngest pointed out. “Say, did something happen at that party?”

As soon as he realized that he was close to being found out, he awkwardly grabbed some cookies he stuffed into his mouth and shook his head. Munching on them too quickly sadly made him choke not even ten seconds later. God, could he be more obvious?!

Sure, Sungjong was quick to hand him a glass of water and patted his back alongside Dongwoo, but the twinkle he saw in the other’s eye practically yelled bullseye. He contemplated stretching his coughing fit a bit longer, but it would only buy him some seconds and make his throat hurt.

Howon slumped onto one of the chairs while Dongwoo jumped onto the table and Sungjong took the chair right across from him with a huge cheshire grin.

“Did you finally get laid?”

Had he been eating anything right now, he would have choked again. With a blush adorning his cheeks – especially with the wide eyes Dongwoo made at him – he shook his head rapidly. “When have I ever had a one night stand?!”

Sungjong just shrugged to this. “Well, never. As far as we know…” He looked over to Dongwoo at this in question, who nodded along with him to signal that he had also not heard anything of the kind. “But it isn’t a one night stand just because you slept with them for the first time… or the first time in a long time.” At that he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Howon, who blushed again.

“You slept with Woohyun?!” Dongwoo looked shocked for a second before a smile graced his face. “So you’re finally back together? That’s awesome, Howonie!”

“I didn’t sleep with Woohyun!” Howon looked down at his twitching fingers. Of course he was more than happy about what had transpired between them this weekend, but he hadn’t planned on telling his friends. At least not until he was sure about where they stood now.

Propping his elbows on the table and using one hand to cushion his face, Sunjong mustered him pensively. “But something happened.” Howon still didn’t look up so the other quietly added “Right?”

Screw Sungjong and his ability to read him like an open book. He sighed, fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, but finally nodded in defeat. Dongwoo, who had seemed so excited about the prospect of his old friends rekindling their relationship just a moment ago reached out his hand to gently lay it on Howon’s shoulder and Sungjong sat up straighter as well now that the playful atmosphere was gone all of the sudden.

“He just… I mean I think… I know I got drunk and he drove me home.” He still didn’t dare look up at his friends so he fixated his gaze on the forgotten box of crackers on the counter that Woohyun had made him eat that night. “He apologized for some things and we uhm hugged and... kissedandthenhesleptover.”He finished the last part in one breath and immediately winced at Sungjong’s loud “WHAT?!” and Dongwoo’s incredulous guffaw.

When he didn’t elaborate right away, Sungjong gave him a slap on his arm. “What do you mean you guys kissed and he slept here?”

“I mean just that.” They both gave him a look so taking a deep breath, he explained a bit further. “I don’t know I was still tipsy and I got bitchy and then he gave me this speech about how sorry he was all of the sudden and I hugged him to shut him up and things just… stayed a bit emotional after that? We talked about what we’ve been doing with our lives and the kiss just kind of happened. It wasn’t even a real kiss! More like… a peck. And then he made me go to sleep because I was so tired and he uh stayed the night.”

He looked up at the other two, who looked absolutely gobsmacked. However, sensing that they were coming out of their stupor, he quickly decided to finish so they wouldn’t get too excited.

“But I don’t know if it was really anything. He wasn’t here when I woke up and he didn’t leave a note or anything. And since we didn’t exchange new numbers I couldn’t exactly ask him what that was all about so there’s nothing to talk about yet… Maybe it was just Woohyun being nice and trying to appease a drunk ex. You know how awfully nice he can be….”

As soon as Sungjong heard the second part of the story he scoffed as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Of course he ran without saying a word again. Seems to be his thing now…”

The mood was so solemn all of the sudden with the youngest looking like he was this close to finding Woohyun himself and kicking him for leaving Howon again while the latter wistfully looked at his pale hands, insecure thoughts once again eating at him.

“You know,” Dongwoo started with a small smile, twiddling his thumbs unconsciously. “I got really excited just now. If you guys got back together or at least made up then maybe Woohyun would come back to us, too, you know?” When he others looked at him, he silently confessed what he’d kept quiet about for years now. “I miss him. He was one of my best friends and I really…,” he took a deep breath, “miss him.”

Howon immediately softened at the older’s words. He had always felt like it was his fault that his friends lost Woohyun. Of course he had never told them to choose sides or tried to bad-mouth the other so he knew it hadn’t been in his hands. When Woohyun had left, he’d stopped talking to all of them. Well, everyone but Kibum and Myungsoo, but Kibum had always mostly been Woohyun’s friend and after everyone felt out about how Myungsoo had been in cahoots with their traitorous friend things had kind of dwindled out. Ultimately their group more or less fell apart. A lot of them were still friends with each other, but they stopped hanging out as one big group; it only ever made it painfully obvious that someone was missing.

They might have never mentioned anything about it, but Howon would have had to be blind for him not to notice that everyone missed their friend at least occasionally. Considering how close especially Dongwoo and Woohyun had been, it was no wonder he still missed him.

However, he didn’t know how to console his friend. Maybe he could ask Woohyun to give Dongwoo a call even if Friday night turned out to be a pity kiss-and-cuddle?

All of the sudden Dongwoo let out a loud noise between a snort and a laugh, which garnered the attention of his two friends right away.

“Remember when Woohyun insisted on making this huge cake for my birthday, because I mentioned that my parents wouldn’t have any time to make one until the weekend since they were so busy with work?” He kept pausing to giggle a bit between words and a grin was slowly making its way onto Howon’s face when he remembered that particular day. “So he walked around school with this cake too big cake and just when he entered the cafeteria Sungyeol ran into him so Woohyun fell face first into it.”

They cackled at the memory of a rare embarrassed Woohyun, his blush hidden under layers of frosting that Dongwoo later tried to lick off his face, resulting in a chase through half of the school.

Still chuckling lightly, Howon dove into one of his own favourite Woohyun moments. “Or remember when he joined the theatre group at our school with Kibum, because Kibum needed some extracurricular credits for university applications and didn’t want to do it alone? He kept complaining, but then he got so into it and sulked for a whole two weeks when Kibum got the lead and not him.”

The two friends were so lost in their laughter and reminiscing, they almost forgot the third person, who had been listening to their stories quietly. It was only when his soft voice made an appearance did they look at him, while Sungjong himself refused to look up from the table like his memories were playing out on it.

“I met Woohyun in that theatre group. I thought he was really fake with how loud and… bright he was all the time, but he kept following me around so we eventually became friends.”

Howon remembered this all too well. Had he been a more possessive person, he would have been annoyed at the way Woohyun kept clinging onto this kid none of them knew so he’d sit with them during lunch. He however took an immediate liking to the younger as well so he’d been happy when Sungjong finally warmed up to them after a few weeks.

“There was a role I wanted really badly and I went on a diet that was pretty extreme for it.” This had both of them furrowing their brows in concern. Yes, Sungjong was the mature one, but he was still the baby of the group and hearing he hadn’t been eating properly stirred the protectiveness in them. The youngest didn’t even realize the shift though and just continued the story he was lost in.

“One day I found a lunchbox in my locker. At first I didn’t think much of it, though it was weird that someone knew my combination… But it didn’t stop. Every day I found one with lots of self-made, healthy food and I felt bad about throwing it away so I ended up finishing it every time.”

At this he looked up at them with a somehow sad smile. “Woohyun never mentioned anything and I didn’t ask him about it, but who else would stick silly notes with stupid emoji stickers onto those boxes?”

They stared at each other for a second before they burst into laughter. Trust Woohyun to turn something really serious, but heart-warming into embarrassing (though endearingly kind nonetheless).

It all felt so warm, to finally talk about Woohyun and how he’d been everyone’s incredible friend first. He was a big idiot and he’d really messed up, but he was still _their_ idiot and that meant more to Howon than some mistake from the past.

Once the laughter died down, Sungjong lightly bumped his fist against Howon’s arm to get his attention. “You’re right, Woohyun is awfully nice, but that also means he wouldn’t lead you on like this only to appease you for a night.”

Dongwoo nodded along thoughtfully. “And if he apologized then here has to be some sincerity there. Just talk to him on Monday.”

Howon hadn’t even planned on telling them about Friday night, but now he was really glad they’d tickled the news out of him. They were right, he just had to believe that Woohyun was the way they’d known him to be for years instead of the way he was for a couple of weeks when he was at his lowest.

 

\----

 

Monday rolled around blissfully fast with Dongwoo and Sungjong as a great distraction for the rest of the weekend. He would never admit it, but he’d gotten up a bit earlier this morning so he could make sure he’d look nicer than usual. Not that he actually needed to impress Woohyun, the guy had seen him in his most unattractive moments, but he figured that an improved appearance would also improve his confidence.

As every Monday, today started with a meeting of his department in which they would go over things left unfinished the week prior and talk about the upcoming week, maybe shuffling some work around to people less busy than the ones assigned to it. Howon liked these meetings because they always made him feel more organised and prepared, but this time he just wanted it to be over with so he could go look for Woohyun. He knew that it would be best to just wait for his lunch break to come around, which seemed to coincide with Woohyun’s most of the time, and talk to him then. However it felt like he had to at least see him and maybe get a smile to know that things were okay.

Right now they were on a short break since their superior had gotten a call from an important client. Not wanting to spend more time than necessary in the stuffy room, they’d all made their way into the hallway to chat about the weekend. Or, more specifically, the party on Friday. Howon barely took notice of them as he looked around for Woohyun, fully knowing this wasn’t even the floor he worked on. _Maybe their coffee machine is still broken and he’ll come here to get one or maybe he’ll even come down here t-_

“You really missed out, Howon.” A voice startled him and made him turn back to face his colleagues again, who were all grinning. “Huh?” Seeing his clueless face, Jinhyeong shook his head, but decided to enlighten him anyway.

“We were just saying that Sooyoung charmed everyone’s pants off at the party. I swear I never saw Mr. Kim from finances so flustered. I think he even blushed! It was a shame you left so early and missed it.”

His unbelieving chuckle made them all look at him. Especially Sooyoung. His acquaintance looked mildly offended. Now of course she was a pretty woman, but first of all, she wasn’t his type at all and… well, with how they teased each other a lot she felt like a little sister to him so the thought of getting _charmed_ by her or even blushing because of her was nothing but comical to him.

“You think you’re immune?” Sooyoung literally squared up at his continued laughter until she just grabbed him by the collar and smashed a kiss onto his lips.

Howon stared at her dumbstruck, feeling like someone had just emptied a cold bucket of water over him. Blinking perplexedly, a blush slowly but surely crept onto his cheeks when he heard the roaring laughter of his colleagues, who were busy patting Sooyoung on the shoulder for finally being able to catch their elusive youngest off guard.

After he got over the initial shock, he bumped his shoulder against her’s with a playful smile, mouthing “I’ll get you for that.”. Shortly after, they were called back in for the meeting and he forgot all about it, just concentrating on work and thinking about how to find Woohyun later and what to say to him.

The only thing that could calm him down and give him some confidence was the watch he held in his pocket. Whenever he felt like he wouldn’t be able to talk to Woohyun, that it was hopeless, he squeezed it to gain strength. Woohyun still clung onto him in some way so it wasn’t too late.

 

\----

 

Finally it was lunch time! Howon could only barely hold himself back from actually running down to the canteen. Luckily he had Sooyoung and Jun in tow, who would have scolded him if he left them behind.

As soon as he entered, he craned his neck as inconspicuously as possible, but before he could fully take in the room his colleagues dragged him along to the line to get some food. Turned out that was just his luck, however. When he looked up, there he was.

Before he could even say anything or the other had a chance to notice him, Sooyoung gasped in recognition, which made Woohyun and the man he was with turn around at the sound. The girl immediately bowed politely, the smile never leaving her face.

“Mr. Nam! I wanted to thank you again for taking home Howon for me.”

Howon tried to hide his amusement at how obviously flustered his usually so confident friend was. He just hoped it was because Woohyun was her superior and people here were generally scared of him because of how he distanced himself from everyone and not because she was still lusting over him.

He looked back at the other, who was nodding back with a polite, but weirdly strained smile. “It’s was no problem at all. As I said, I had an appointment on Saturday so I had to leave anyway.” Relief washed over Howon at those words. _So he really just had to leave that morning._ He was just about to make up some excuse that would allow him to talk to Woohyun alone when he noticed the man standing next to him.

Furrowing his brows in concentration, trying to remember why he looked so familiar. Suddenly the image of that same man wrapping his arm around Woohyun flashed before his eyes and he remembered him as the stranger from the party, the one who had made him so jealous.

He bristled with jealousy he tried to swallow once again. _He went home with me, he hugged and kissed me! It doesn’t mean anything. Woohyun is a touchy person, he’s probably just his friend._ This feeling was so unfamiliar to him. Back when they were still a couple, he’d barely ever felt like this. But that was when he was absolutely sure Woohyun was his and would never love another person like they did each other. Now though? Now he knew nothing. And that’s why he finally had to have that talk with Woohyun.

Woohyun, however, was still solely looking at Sooyoung, who looked like she desperately wanted to keep the conversation going. _So she is after him…_ Howon even cleared his throat to get some attention, but Woohyun only looked at him for a quarter of a second, avoiding his eyes, before he turned back.

Maybe Woohyun just felt embarrassed about crying that night or he didn’t want to be obvious at work, Howon could totally understand that, but he still seemed odd. And it wasn’t just with him. The way he now just nodded to Sooyoung again before excusing himself and his handsome friend to look for somewhere to sit without even waiting for her reply wasn’t like him at all.

He looked after him even when Jun was dragging him forward when it was their turn to receive food. “Looks like you can’t charm everyone after all, Sooyoungie.,” Jun teased his junior, who grumbled a “His loss” in reply.

It would be inappropriate and weird for him to march over to Woohyun, he knew that. They were at work and as far as everyone in this building knew, they only knew each other’s names if that. So Howon obediently ate his food, but he did keep hawk eyes on the older, watching for any chance to catch him alone.

Twenty minutes later it finally presented itself when Woohyun stood up and made his way towards the direction of the men’s bathroom. Howon stood up so abruptly that it would have sent his chair flying had it not been for Jinhyeong’s fast reflexes that made him catch it. Everyone stared at him, but he didn’t have time for this. A curt couple of bows coupled with a quiet “I just have to use the bathroom.” was all he could spare before he followed the path Woohyun had taken quickly.

Inside the restroom it was eerily quiet and he didn’t see anyone at first. He had been so sure that Woohyun had made his way here, had he been wrong? He looked around and was just about to crouch down to check what shoes the person in the only occupied stall was wearing. Although that wouldn’t have helped him much since he had no idea what shoes Woohyun was wearing today.

He hung his head in defeat, making his way over to the sinks to splash some cold water on his face when the stall opened. He looked up, the mirror showing him it was indeed Woohyun, who met his gaze for a split second before lowering it again as he straightened his white dress shirt further.

The older stepped next to him to wash him. Howon tried to send him a smile, but the other didn’t even seem to see it. “Hey there.”

Finally Woohyun looked up at him. Howon kind of wished he hadn’t. Now that he was so close to him he could see that they were a bit red, as if he hadn’t slept or even cried. So he’d been right and there really was something off about him today. Instinctually, he reached out to close his hand around the other’s wrist. Usually that would make him relax, but he felt Woohyun’s pulse beating too fast and how he stiffened in his hold.

“I’m really sorry I didn’t contact you sooner, but we haven’t exchanged numbers yet and I don’t know where you live.” He tried to read anything in Woohyun’s eyes, but the other kept looking anywhere but at him. “Did something happen? You could have come over, I would have tried to help. Or was it something at work tod-“

Woohyun abruptly pulled his arm back. “It’s not your business.”

Still refusing to look at him, he hurried out of the restroom, leaving a dumbstruck Howon behind, who felt like someone had just stabbed him out of nowhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this update was a bit faster, right?^^ i'm sorry for still making them suffer and ending it like this, but at least there was some dongwoo, sungjong, hoya fluff that i hoped warmed your hearts// chapter title is by shaun!


	9. Dear J

It was nine o’clock at night and Howon was lying on his back on the dinky couch the tenant who had lived here before him had left behind. Back when he’d moved in he had been ecstatic about one less thing he would have to buy, but nowadays he wished he had had to buy something himself. This was the complete opposite of a blessing in disguise; a curse in disguise? Kind of like Woohyun.

Howon snorted at the comparison as he picked the watch that was lying on his stomach back up, holding it above his face to inspect it, turning it over in his hands like it had an explanation to his misery hidden somewhere. “What is Woohyun hiding from me?” He frowned when the object of his interrogation didn’t answer. Then again, it suited its owner perfectly in that way.

For hours now he had been lying there on the couch, inspecting that damned watch and still he didn’t know what to do with it. He wanted to give it back to Woohyun. After all, it was his watch and just because he had left it at Howon’s apartment didn’t mean Howon could just keep it. The problem was just that he had no idea how he was supposed to get it back to him. If he knew his ex’s address, he would just drop off there without being seen, but he had no idea where the other lived. He didn’t want to seem like he was desperately trying to see him either, because he definitely was not! And at work Woohyun was always surrounded by other people. _Mostly by that damn handsome guy from the party, leeching onto him like they aren’t at their work place where this is highly inappropriate._

He shook his head to get rid of his irritating thoughts. It wasn’t any of his business who Woohyun was friends with or… dated. It brought him to another problem in this whole watch-returning debacle though: Did Woohyun even want it back? He hadn’t said anything about it or showed up at his place to pick it up. He knew where to find him so if he wanted it back, he probably would have gotten it already, right? Maybe he hadn’t even realized it was gone yet. But then what if he just didn’t know where he’d lost it?

Thinking back to their last encounter, Howon wouldn’t be surprised. He still had no idea how to feel about it. Whenever he was undeniably pulled back into the memories he felt like he was getting whiplash. Not only from Woohyun’s sudden change in attitude, but also from his own feelings involved.

It made him feel so embarrassed, having Woohyun act like they barely knew each other when Howon had been there to open his heart to him again. How stupid and naïve of him to assume the night had meant anything. Hell, nothing even really happened.

Then again… wasn’t that what had made it special? They hadn’t drunkenly hooked up, Woohyun had apologized, hugged him, taken care of him. That wasn’t something random you do to calm down someone tipsy. How dare he lead him on like that?! He must’ve known – or at least suspected – what Howon would make of the night so why make him look and feel like a goddamn fool?

All anger left him, however, every time he thought about Woohyun’s eyes when he stepped out of that stall. Howon knew they had been red and slightly puffy, that wasn’t just something his mind desperately made up later. How he’d acted, so cold, so guarded, like he needed to protect himself from others – from Howon – somehow just wasn’t the Woohyun he knew. Something was wrong and he couldn’t help but wonder what it was and how he could help the other.

While he was still thinking about what could possibly have happened to the other, his phone rung once again. He looked over to it sliding along the little couch table, just waiting for it to stop ringing. However, just as it did and he turned his gaze back to the ceiling in concentration, it’s ringing disturbed him again.

With a groan he sat up on the couch and grabbed the damned device to look who was so desperately trying to get a hold of him. _Dongwoo. Of course._ His friends had been leaving him tons of texts and voice mails in the past week, but he hadn’t gotten back to any of them. Well, except Kwangsuk, but that was because his friend didn’t even know Woohyun existed so he’d never ask about what happened at work that day.

He just wanted to reject the call once again or let it go to voice mail, but he knew the other was this close to having Sungjong come to Seoul and barge into his apartment for an intervention. And he wasn’t sure his door would survive that. So with a sigh, he finally accepted the call.

“Howon?!” It was almost a startled gasp. Dongwoo probably hadn’t believed he would actually pick up. _Fair enough._

“What’s up? Why do you keep calling?”

“Oh haha I just wanted to check up on you. How are you doing?” Dongwoo kept laughing awkwardly, which Howon couldn’t even blame him for, but he just wanted to be left alone so he could come up with some solutions to his problems.

A little annoyed sigh left his lips. “I’m doing perfectly fine. Or I was before you started your little phone torture…”

Dongwoo whined on the other line. “Don’t be like that, Hoyaya! Sungjong said he’d come over this weekend if we didn’t get a sign of life from you by Wednesday and I just thought if I annoyed you, you were bound to pick up at some point. And look: you did!”

“Yes, I did. So you can tell Sungjong there is absolutely no need for him – or you for that matter – to come over here. I’m busy lately, I’ll call him later this week, okay?”

There was a moment of silence before he heard Dongwoo’s soft voice once again. “So I’m guessing it didn’t go well with Woohyun?”

The mumbled question froze Howon right away. He’d been tense throughout the whole conversation, anticipating this, but being asked about it directly was way worse.

“Look, not everything in my life is about Woohyun. I have a job and university to worry about, which is why I actually don’t have time to chat anymore so tell Sungjong to stay home. Bye, Dongwoo!”

“Wait! Ho-,” but Howon had already ended the call. He sunk down onto the couch with a groan, throwing his phone against one of the pillows in frustration. He knew he’d been unnecessarily mean and the fact that this was Dongwoo, a little angel, made him feel even worse about the whole thing.

The next couple of hours were spent pondering over Woohyun’s teary eyes and how to get that stupid watch back to him until he got a text. Thinking it might be Dongwoo, he guiltily checked it, but it only ended up making him feel even more stressed about all the problems in his life that seemed to circle back to Woohyun.

 

**Jongie**

you better calm down and then call me by saturday night if you don’t want me to come over and whoop you ass for making dongwoo upset and making yourself miserable by refusing to talk about your problems with your friends, who love you and are worried about you

asshole

don’t you dare forget to eat while you take a nice bath in your misery

 

\----

 

Another day had passed without Howon getting any closer to figuring out what to do; about the watch or Woohyun in general. He was walking back to the law firm from his coffee run – now the coffee machine on his floor was out of order, he was definitely cursed – when he suddenly saw people stumbling out of the side entrance. Howon was just about to go on his way when he realized that he knew those two.

Once he realised the redhead was Kibum and that he was being pushed forward by an exasperated-looking Woohyun, he quickly hid behind a column to watch this unfold. He didn’t even mean so spy on them, it was like his body was working on autopilot.

They both seemed angry, which was even weirder than Kibum being here and Woohyun pushing him so roughly. Those two used to bicker sometimes, but they didn’t actually fight. In fact, Woohyun barely ever got actually angry at all, let alone at his best friend. And Kibum was still protective of the other so he had always delivered every verbal blow with a certain softness he’d never bothered to add to insults directed at anyone else.

Howon was too far away to hear everything, he could only catch things here and there, but he didn’t dare move closer out of fear of being noticed by either of the two friends.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this again! You know, it’s not just about you, I will be the one who…,” Kibum yelled at the other, advancing on him. Woohyun seemingly tried to shush him, motioning around them in a show of where they were. He probably didn’t want anyone to witness this scene.

Kibum apparently got the hint since his stance relaxed a bit. “Woohyun, please! You know how he is, he would…” Howon strained to hear more, but the sound of traffic picking up made it impossible. He clenched his fist against the cool stone he was leaning against in frustration. How could _traffic_ ruin his one chance of getting some answers?!

“…there! They were…” Woohyun still sounded so upset, but his voice was laced with sadness and desperation now. Howon’s heart clenched at his tone. So he’d been right about something being wrong. “…this. It’s probably payback for…”

No matter how much Howon strained his ears, he couldn’t make out any more of the intense whispers they threw back and forth. He was about to give up and just return to work when a gasp escaped him as Woohyun threw himself into Kibum’s arms all of the sudden, his shoulders shaking. The redhead stumbled back a step, but quickly enveloped him in a hug.

Howon watched the unexpected change with wide eyes. Woohyun was crying so helplessly in his friend’s arms, not even reacting to the hand patting his head softly.

Watching them secretly had felt wrong from the start, but this was too intimate for him to keep watching. Quietly, he stepped back to make his way back to work with an even heavier heart. So he’d been wrong, something was very, very wrong with Woohyun. But he was no closer to finding out what it was. The only sliver of hope was the prospect of Kibum helping him so Howon knew Woohyun wasn’t alone in this.

 

\----

 

It was already eight, but Howon was still stuck at work. All day he’d been distracted by what he’d witnessed during his earlier coffee run, resulting in him not being able to finish the presentation that was due tomorrow yet.

Just seeing Kibum again made numerous memories resurface. Sure, they had never been that close. In fact, Kibum had never properly been part of their little clique, preferring to hang out with Jonghyun and Minho and that lot, but he did spend most lunch breaks with them. He used to say it was because his friends couldn’t eat properly, but Dongwoo often splattered half-eaten food all over the table – or other people – when he broke out into a laugh so Howon highly doubted that the other’s friends were worse than that. He didn’t know if the others ever gave much thought to it, but Howon, an avid Woohyun-watcher by nature, soon realised that it was to somehow protect Woohyun from them.

At first he considered his conclusion ridiculous, but you could see it in the way he refused to let anyone but himself and Howon sit next to Woohyun; in the way he glared when the others ganged up on Woohyun with their teasing, even if it was all done in good humour; in the way he kept being tense as if he was waiting to step in front of Woohyun to protect him from them.

Only when Woohyun had told him about he had been bullied in the past had Howon finally understood why Kibum was constantly acting like he wasn’t only Woohyun’s best friend, but also his guard dog. He still thought it was a bit excessive, but he didn’t know how badly his then-boyfriend had actually been treated so he didn’t kid himself into thinking he could judge this. And anyway, better to know Woohyun had someone who’d fight the whole world for him if someone just looked at him the wrong way than someone who didn’t care about him.

Ever since Howon knew him, Woohyun had been a bit of a crybaby, but it was mostly about insignificant things and 90% of the time he cried because he was moved by something or really happy, not because he was hurt. He’d barely ever seen Woohyun cry properly, lost in his own anguish.

Maybe because Kibum had seen him at his worst, it was always easier for Woohyun to go to his friend with his tears. It had always been the one thing that made him feel a sting of jealousy, making him feel like he wasn’t trusted. He knew it had never been about him so he hadn’t confronted the other, but seeing him cry in Kibum’s arms so helplessly today brought him right back.

They didn’t even talk anymore so Woohyun had no reason to come to him with his problems; but that was just it: He still wanted to finally be the one Woohyun trusted completely, the one who would help him with all his problems. But it looked like he had no chance for that anymore.

Sighing, Howon once again tried to concentrate on work. It looked like he’d be the last to leave today if he didn’t want to be scolded tomorrow.

 

\----

 

Howon was just coming out of the shower after finally finishing his project when his doorbell rang. Not really in the mood for Dongwoo’s pampering and still only wearing some sweatpants while he towelled his hair, he simply ignored it. The person on the other side, however, clearly was not having it with the incessant ringing and knocking for another two minutes.

Finally, Howon shrugged on a shirt with an exasperated sigh before making his way to the front door. Swinging it open, he already tried to send Dongwoo back home right away. “Dongwoo, I told you I’m fi-“

He stopped dead in his tracks, just staring at the other with wide eyes. What was Kibum doing here? And at night no less?

An awkward silence engulfed the two as Howon didn’t know what to make of his ex’s best friend, who he had not seen in years, standing in front of his door and the other didn’t seem to deem it necessary to offer any explanation either.

“Kibum? Uhm… nice to see you again. Can I uh help you?,” he mumbled unintelligently with a hand nervously ruffling his still wet hair.

Now that he had been addressed, the younger finally acknowledged him with a swift nod. “Yeah, hi. I know it’s kinda late, but I’m going to be really quick. I’m just here to pick up Woohyun’s watch.” Saying so, he tried to peer into the flat as if to look for the accessory himself. Knowing him, he’d probably have no qualms barging in and just getting it himself if he did happen to spot it.

When Howon just continued to stare at him with furrowed brows, he crossed his arms impatiently.

“He said he was 90% sure he left it at your place. It has a black leather band? Looks pretty worn? Any of that ring a bell?”

He finally got sick of the other just staring at him like he was the second coming of Christ and tried to push past the smaller man to find the stupid watch himself. That finally jostled Howon out of his stupid though and he squared up in his doorway, refusing to let Kibum pass.

How dare he? How dare either of them?! First he leaves Howon without a word after years of being together, then he ignores him at work, then he apologizes, cuddles and stays the night, then he ignores him _again_ and now he sent his friend to pick up the watch Howon bought him just so he didn’t have to see him?!

No. No, enough was enough! If Woohyun didn’t even have the guts to spend five minutes with him then he could very well live without the watch that definitely held more sentimental than monetary value.

Crossing his arms, he let out an angry scoff. “If Woohyun wants his fucking watch so badly then he should fucking grow up and get it himself! We’re not five anymore.”

Kibum was clearly taken aback by this outburst and, honestly, Howon couldn’t blame him. He never cursed. At least not around people that weren’t close friends, being absolutely paranoid about someone hearing him and somehow using it against him in court when he finally became a lawyer.

The redhead got himself together again quickly only to look at Howon with a mixture of anger and pity; for whom, Howon had no idea. “Don’t you think you’re being a bit too harsh on someone in his situation? You know how emotional he gets, of course he’s not gonna come here.”

“What situation? If anyone has the right to be mad or hurt, it’s me! _I’m_ the one who was left being and _I’m_ the one who keeps getting the silent treatment for absolutely no reason!”

“You know that’s not the whole story! It’s not like you’re the innocent little lamb you like to make yourself out to be.” Kibum was getting fired up slowly but surely as well, which only fuelled Howon’s anger even more. He did not need to stand here and be accused by someone who didn’t even know him or his side of the story. And he sure as hell did not need to jump at Woohyun’s every command, especially when he didn’t even give it himself but instead let it be delivered by his friend.

“You know what, Kibum? Fuck you. Tell Woohyun if he wants his watch so badly, he can pick it up at my place any time. I’m sure he can find out when my shifts usually end.” And with that, he slammed the door shut in the other’s face, his hands clenched into fists.

Angrily, he stomped over to his couch, let himself fall onto it face first and yelled into the cushion as loud as he could until the knocking on his front door finally ceased.

 

\----

 

A sharp ringing made Howon shoot up into a sitting position. Disoriented, he blinked around his dark bedroom, his hazy brain trying to figure out where the noise was coming from. It took him a moment to register that it was actually his doorbell that had woken him up. Still confused, he grabbed his phone to check the time and whether he’d missed something important. Who the hell was so insistent on seeing him at 1:12 in the morning?

Deciding it had to be something serious, he wrapped himself up in his blanket and stumbled out of his bed to his door. However, when he opened it, the tell-tale tingling of deja-vu spread through his body.

For the second time this week, Howon was rendered speechless in shock as he stared at the unexpected guest standing in front of him, forgetting to keep a grip on his blanket, which slowly slid from his shoulders onto the ground. The other looked… exhausted. His eyes were slightly bloodshot and there were dark bags under them. He looked like he’d had a rough night. Or several ones, to be honest.

Before he could say or do anything, a weak voice demanded, “You need to give me my watch back.”

Howon stared at him dumbfounded. Was Woohyun being serious? If he wasn’t still a little sleep-drunk and the other wasn’t looking so pitiful, he’d probably just slammed the door in his face and went back to sleep.

“You wake me up in the middle of the night for a watch you’ve left here weeks ago? Are you being serious right now?” The older man at least had the decency to look down in shame at this.

“I didn’t think you would be asleep.” He shrugged helplessly, to which Howon could only raise his brows doubtfully. “Woohyun, it’s after one in the morning.,” he deadpanned.

Woohyun took a small but urgent step forward, desperation seeping into his features. “Please, just give me back my watch and I’ll stop bothering you. I _need_ it, Howon.”

Howon’s frown deepened at that. Usually, this would have been it and he’d have given it back to the poor soul in front of him, but this whole week his anger and irritation at the other had been building up to the point where he was just too sick and tired of it to still tolerate being treated like this.

“Well, I needed you to be there for me years ago and I still need several explanations from you.”

Woohyun dragged a hand through his already tousled hair in agitation, huffing out a breath. “You don’t need me anymore.”

This actually made Howon stop in his tracks for a second. “What are you even talking about?”

The other scoffed. “You have Sooyoung to take care of you.” Howon felt anger rise back up at the comment. Way to divert attention again.

“How is who I associate with any of your business? _You_ left _me_ , remember?! And what are you even talking about, Sooyoung and I aren’t even that close.”

“Your lips surely looked close! Or is it just an office fling, huh?”

What was he even…? And then it became clear to Howon. Woohyun must have seen Sooyoung when she had tried to prove her seducing skills to him the other day. _Maybe that’s why he stopped talking to me? Does he think her and I are an item?_ But then he remembered the guy from the party, who kept hanging around Woohyun ever since that night and the soft feelings that had stirred up inside of him for Woohyun quickly made way for jealousy to rear its head.

“Sooyoung and I have absolutely nothing going on! And anyways, what about you? Why don’t you ask that guy who keeps groping you at our work place to buy you a new watch if you need one so badly?”

Woohyun tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Who?” After a little pause he gave a humourless laugh. “You mean my cousin’s _fiancé_ Hyunsuk? I don’t think she would appreciate him buying me things like that.”

“Oh, I don’t know. You’re not a big fan of sharing important information so maybe she would just never find out,” Howon spit out menacingly.

The other angrily clenched his fists at that and stepped even closer to him. “Are you implying that I would sleep with my cousin’s husband-to-be?!”

“You’re the one who just said that, not me! Funny how your mind jumps to that right away. Did I uncover some truth?”

“I can’t believe that after all we’ve been through that’s what you think of me!”

“How do you expect me to know which Woohyun we’re talking about here since the one who was the best person I’ve ever known and the one who lies and keeps acting cold switch being in control of you so much that it’s giving me whiplash?! But enlighten me, what am I supposed to think then?”

“You’re supposed to trust me! You’re supposed to know that I respect love and would never get between two people in a relationship, especially when they are about to marry each other! He’s only been trying to cheer me up for weeks now because I have to see you and your stupid girlfriend at work every single day-”

Howon just stared at Woohyun’s outburst. Suddenly it all made sense. Thinking back on it, Sooyoung had kissed him on the Monday after the party and when he saw Woohyun in the bathroom he’d looked like he had or been about to cry. It must’ve been because he thought Howon had only indulged and forgiven him because he had been drunk. And… god, he must’ve thought they’d cheated on Sooyoung as well.

And in that moment it didn’t matter to him how much they’d hurt each other. If they still felt so miserable at the thought of each other being with other people, if Woohyun was still treasuring a cheap watch Howon had given him year ago, if Howon still had the flashdrive with the song Woohyun had written for him secured in his little safe then what were they still doing being apart? He was tired of fighting, tired of waiting.

So, while Woohyun was still yelling with a voice that kept cracking, Howon slammed the other into his chest, holding him tightly in his arms. Immediately, he felt arms wrap around him as well and a face press into neck.

He felt Woohyun shaking in his arms and he wasn’t much better off with tears gathering in his eyes. Slowly he lifted one of his hands to let it settle itself into a rhythm it used to know so well.

_Tap, tap, tap._ Woohyun’s breath hitched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaah this is the last chapter, i finally finished this! thank you if you stuck around for all this time and especially if you were one of the nice ppl who left comments and/or kudos! since this is a bit open-ended, i might write an epilogue at some point, but no promises^^ // chapter title is by jaejoong


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